Homeschool Coffee Break

What if, instead of asking which college your teen should attend, you started asking what kind of person they want to become? That one shift changes everything about how you prepare your kids for adulthood — and this episode lays out a completely different path forward.
This episode introduces a 16-cycle blueprint designed to build genuine life skills for young adults one quarter at a time — from EMT certification to sailing through the South Atlantic to starting a business and making the first sale. You will hear a father and son tell the real story of what this journey has looked like, how it was funded, and what the outcome has been so far.
Discover ways to build character, and create confident, capable adults by age 20.
✅The one question that replaces "what college should I attend"
✅How 16 hands-on cycles stack real skills and real-world experience
✅How one teen earned $600 a day to fund his own real-world education
✅Why a personal code of rules and virtues is the foundation of true self-government
✅The patron relationship that opens doors traditional mentoring never could
✅Why most teens launch into adulthood anxious, unprepared, and waiting for someone to tell them what to do
Grab the book mentioned in this episode and start building the kind of young adult your family is proud to launch into the world.
Resources for You
The Preparation by Matt and Maxim Smith
Maxim's Substack
More life skills for teens help
Show Notes:
Preparing Your Kids for Adult Life — A Conversation With Matt and Maxim Smith
Today I have a long-time friend Matt Smith here with his son Maxim, and we're talking about a brand new book they wrote together called The Preparation — all about preparing young people for adult life. Matt and I met in a mastermind back in 2009, so it's great to reconnect. Maxim is the guinea pig for the whole thing, and he's got some incredible stories to share.
What Kind of Man Do I Want to Become?
Instead of starting with outcomes like career and college, the book opens with a much bigger question — what kind of man do I want to become? Matt explains why.
The whole idea of college is — so that what? So you can pay your own rent? That's not a very motivating vision. So they started thinking about what the real outcome actually is. What would inspire a young man, challenge him, and make him want to come into his own adulthood? The only answer to that question is one he has to find for himself — what kind of man does he want to become?
The book is designed as a program that could fully replace college. It lays out exactly what to do, quarter by quarter, and still covers all the academics. But the motivating driving force behind it — the thing strong enough to push you through the hard parts — is that personal vision of who you want to be.
Maxim says when he was first introduced to the program, the question took shape through a concept called be, do, and have — the three most important verbs. Most people focus on the have. But be is the most important. And do is where young people have their greatest power, because when you're young, you have unlimited energy and high openness to new experiences. Doing is your leverage.
For his own answer to that question, Maxim found inspiration in a fictional character — Edmund Dantes from The Count of Monte Cristo. Not the revenge part of the story, but the 14 years he dedicated to gaining as many skills as possible. Learning to read and write, sword fighting, hand-to-hand combat, economics, math, multiple languages. That was the vision Maxim worked from.
Wisdom as Righteousness in Action
The Preparation focuses heavily on the classical virtues — courage, wisdom, hospitality — and especially stoic thinking, particularly the work of Epictetus. Matt says wisdom is the key to being a happy, healthy, successful individual, but you have to make it practical. Get away from abstract ideas and give young people real examples of what good looks like and how to model it.
One of the most powerful exercises in the book is building a personal code. It has three parts.
First, they think about their own actions — what are the things I do that make me feel small or ashamed? No one else might even know about these things, but the kid knows. They decide to stop doing those things — not because someone else made a rule, but because they made the rule for themselves. This is the very beginning of identity formation. For the first time, they're choosing not to do something on their own authority.
Second, they go through a list of the ancient virtues and find the ones that call to them. Unlike the rules, which are binary — you either kept them or you didn't — the virtues are aspirational. You can always be more courageous. There's no ceiling.
Third, they start listing their accomplishments. When you're starting out, you feel like you have nothing. But skills stack up fast in the preparation. After just one cycle, looking back at the actual skills you've gained — not just what you've studied, but what you can actually do — gives you a sense of pride and identity you didn't have before. And that's what young people are missing.
Patrons, Not Just Mentors
Most people think of a mentor like Gandalf — someone who shows up and offers you everything for nothing. That's not really how it works. The Preparation uses the term patron, drawn from ancient Roman society, where an older established person would come alongside a younger person who had skills, motivation, and hunger but not much yet. It was a two-way street. The patron would publicly say — this person is under my protection. One of us.
The key insight is that you can earn a mentor or patron. Young people who are ambitious, smart, detail-oriented, hungry, and virtuous — when Matt encounters young people like that, he wants to help them. But the relationship only works if the young person is adding something to it in return.
Intergenerational relationships are often the richest in life — because there's no competition, no status jockeying. You're not trying to prove anything. Matt says the best relationships in his life are not with his peers. They're intergenerational.
The Cycles of Preparation
There are 16 cycles in the program, each centered around an anchor course — anything from a cooking school in Florence, Italy, to a heavy equipment operator course in Florida, to an entrepreneur cycle, a sailing cycle, an EMT certification, learning to build a house at the Shelter Institute in Maine, a fighter cycle in Thailand. Sixteen different real-world skill areas.
Each cycle also includes activities the student chooses themselves — skydiving, learning guitar, a second language, motorbikes — plus online academic courses related to the anchor activity, and a required reading list. For the entrepreneur cycle, there are about 10 books to complete in three months, along with courses in sales, marketing, and social media marketing.
Students are also required to post a weekly update on Substack — for accountability and to build a public record of what they're doing. Maxim now has over 6,000 followers on Substack, which has opened up opportunities he never expected — working on wildfires, a sailing cycle recommendation from a reader, geophysics crew work in Nevada, mule packing.
The most memorable cycle so far? Sailing. Maxim had never been on a sailboat in his life when he flew to the Falkland Islands — all the way at the bottom of South America — to join a 72-foot sailing vessel for 21 days. The winds were so strong the bus was swaying on the road. They couldn't leave for several days. He got seasick two or three times. They crossed the South Atlantic through the Strait of Magellan — from the Falklands back to Chile — and he said the moment the water calmed down on the Pacific side, he finally understood why Magellan named it the Pacific.
Each cycle, virtually every anchor activity, leaves you with a real skill that has real economic value. Something you could get a job from. And when you stack 16 of those, by the time you're 20 you are the most interesting 20-year-old you'll meet.
How to Fund the Preparation
Yes, some cycles cost money. But compared to college — with one year of college tuition, Maxim has been funding multiple real-world experiences. There's also a work cycle built into the program where the entire three-month focus is earning as much money as possible.
Maxim's first cycle was getting his EMT certification. Because of that — and because a reader found him on Substack — he was offered work on wildfires earning $600 a day. That funded his sailing cycle. He also worked at Office Depot and as a pizza delivery driver. In six weeks at Office Depot, he saved over $5,000.
And here's a perspective shift — training Muay Thai in Thailand for two months, including room, board, and meals six days a week, costs less than EMT school. Not everything real costs more than college.
Maxim's Advice to Teenagers
If you could tell another teenager one thing about preparing for adulthood, what would it be?
Realize how limited time actually is. Figure out as soon as possible what you should be doing to make the most of it — not pursuing vices, but pursuing what is actually fulfilling. Gain as many practical skills as possible. Study the classical virtues. Study the stoics. And see how many opportunities open up from that work and that effort.
You can find The Preparation on Amazon. Read the reviews before you buy — many of the reviewers are parents who read it first before giving it to their kids, and many say they wish they had this when they were that age.
If you want to follow what Maxim is doing, go to maximsmith.com on Substack. We'll put a link right below this video.

If your homeschool feels like a never-ending pile of curriculum, co-ops, and pressure, there is a better way — and it starts with doing less.
This episode digs into what an elite education actually means, why most homeschool moms are overcomplicating & adding more things out of fear, and how simplifying your homeschool gives your kids more time to think, go deeper, and actually love learning. You will walk away with one practical step to take this week and a completely different lens for every homeschool decision you make going forward.
Homeschool moms who are exhausted from checking every box and still wondering if it is enough will find this episode both freeing and clarifying. Elite education is not about harder curriculum or longer school days — it is about raising kids who think critically, make wise decisions, and love learning for a lifetime.
What is covered in this episode:
✅Why fear drives homeschool overwhelm and how to break the cycle
✅What an elite education really means — and it has nothing to do with harder subjects
✅Why deep focus beats scattered assignments every single time
✅How doing less gives your child more time to actually think
✅1 thing to remove from your homeschool this week
Check out Raising Leaders, Not Followers and start giving your kids the elite (BEST) education they were made for.
Resources for You:
Raising Leaders, Not Followers Course
Show Notes:
What If the Best Education Actually Comes From Doing Less?
Most homeschool moms secretly wonder — am I doing enough? What if my kids fall behind? What if I miss something important? So what do we do? We add more and more — more curriculum, more activities, more pressure on everyone. But what if the best education actually comes from doing less? Doing less and doing it differently.
Fear Is Driving Your Overwhelm
I think too many moms are homeschooling from fear. The fear of not preparing your kids for the future. The fear they won't succeed. The fear they'll miss some opportunities. And this fear leads to overloading your schedules and chasing everything.
When's the last time your kids could just hang out, go outside and play, go shoot some hoops? Most moms think more is better. So they sign their kids up for multiple programs, all the co-ops, all the curriculum — and they still feel unsure about whether their kids are going to be ready.
Abraham Lincoln had less than one year of formal schooling. He was self-educated. He learned through reading, through reflecting, and through real life experiences. And he went on to be one of the most influential people in history. His education would not be complete according to public school standards — they've got a long list of things you're supposed to do and it's just busy work. But he developed into an educated person through thinking, through character, and through leadership.
What Is an Elite Education?
This is what I call an elite education. And I think most of you would like to give that to your kids — but you're not sure how. Elite education is not harder curriculum. It's not more subjects.
Elite education means thinking critically, understanding deeply, making wise biblical decisions, loving learning for a lifetime, and having a foundation of godly biblical character. This is what actually prepares kids for adulthood. The academics come along, but that is not the focus. An elite education prepares a child for adulthood.
George Washington Carver and Tuskegee University
George Washington Carver was born into slavery and had very limited formal education as a child. But he was curious. He spent hours in nature exploring and experimenting and teaching himself — because schools for Black children were not really available back then. He educated himself through observation and personal study, and he later became one of the leading agricultural scientists. He developed hundreds of uses for peanuts and other plants.
What made him exceptional was not a traditional school. It was curiosity, perseverance, and a love for learning.
He eventually started teaching at Tuskegee University, founded by Booker T. Washington. And this university was more than academics. Every student who came there had to learn a trade. Maybe they learned cooking and actually cooked the food for the other students in the dorms. Maybe they learned carpentry and built the buildings for the university. Everyone had a trade as well as a field of study.
And you know what happened in 1905? Tuskegee University had more self-made millionaires than Harvard, Yale, and Princeton combined. Because they had a different approach to education. It was more than just academics. They learned real life skills.
What Happens When You Simplify
When you simplify your homeschool, your kids have time to think. They go deeper instead of rushing through their assignments. Learning becomes meaningful because it has purpose and intention.
When you overload your children, all they do is check off the boxes. Retention drops drastically. Motivation disappears. That's when you get all those attitude problems and learning doesn't really happen.
A child that is deeply interested in one topic — just one topic — learns reading through books, writing through a reading journal, thinking through discussion. Reading, writing, discussion. That is real learning, not a bunch of scattered assignments.
You don't need to do more. You need a clear framework — a way to filter your decisions, a way to know that you are doing the right activities and studying the right subject areas for each of your kids.
What to Do This Week
Look at your current homeschool plan and remove one thing this week that is not serving your goals. If you don't have goals, you need to make a vision. We talked about that in an earlier episode. If you want to raise your kids to be leaders, you've got to have a vision for your homeschool.
And I want you to know — all three of my kids are in their 30s now, and they all love learning. I think a lot of it has to do with the foundation we gave them in their homeschool.
That is exactly what Raising Leaders, Not Followers gives you — a way to make wise and purposeful decisions for your upcoming year, for each of your kids. It helps your kids make wise decisions too. It gives your kids an elite education for life so that they can think critically, make wise decisions, have a love for learning, and have a foundation of character.
If you have any questions, let me know. It's not for everyone all the time — but it is for the mom or dad who wants to raise their kids with purpose, prepared for adult life, thinking critically, making wise decisions, and loving learning for a lifetime. Come check out Raising Leaders, Not Followers — the link is in the show notes.

You have done all the lessons, checked all the boxes, and finished the curriculum — but something still feels off. The problem is not your effort. It’s the role you have been playing in your homeschool.
Today, we talk about real mentoring examples that shift your kids from waiting for direction to thinking for themselves, and what it actually looks like to move from teacher mode to mentor mode in a real homeschool day. You will walk away with one practical step to take tomorrow and four questions that do more for your kids than any worksheet ever could.
Homeschool moms who are exhausted from carrying the weight of everything will find this episode both relieving and clarifying. When you stop delivering information and start developing thinkers, your kids grow in ownership and confidence — and you finally get to breathe again.
✅Why staying in teacher mode all day is burning you out and creating dependent kids
✅The difference between teaching and mentoring — and why it changes everything
✅Practical mentoring examples you can use in any subject starting tomorrow
✅4 questions to ask yourself instead of answering your kids right away
✅How transformation — not information — becomes the goal of your homeschool
Join the free masterclass mentioned in this episode and take your first step toward mentoring your kids to think, lead, and own their education.
Resources for You
Free Masterclass: 4 Steps to Raising Christian Leaders in Your Homeschool
Show Notes:
The Shift That Changes Everything in Your Homeschool
Have you ever done all the lessons, checked all the boxes, finished the curriculum, and you still feel like something is missing? Many moms are working harder than ever, but their kids still struggle with motivation, with ownership, with even really understanding what they're doing.
The problem is not your effort, Mom. It's the role that you've been taught to play in your homeschool.
The Traditional Mindset Is Burning You Out
The traditional mindset — and we're talking in the last hundred years, not 500 years ago — says your job, mom, is to deliver information and make sure it gets done. Check that checkbox off. But what does this do? It creates dependence. Your kids wait for you to tell them what to do. They follow the teacher. But they are not thinking, or learning, or studying independently.
And what are they going to do when they get out on their own? They'll just wait until the boss tells them what to do. They are not thinking critically and they are not making wise decisions.
Leaders are not created through constant instruction. They're developed through thinking, ownership, and taking responsibility for their own education. When you stay in teacher mode, you carry the weight of everything and everyone.
Now, there is a time to teach. You teach your five-year-old how to read or your eight-year-old the multiplication facts. There is a time to teach. But when you stay in teaching mode all day long, you are going to burn yourself out. You have got to shift from teacher to mentor — to coaching and guiding your kids as they learn independently.
The Simple Shift You Can Make Today
Instead of answering your child right away, I want you to pause and ask — what do you think you should do next?
When they finish an assignment and ask what to do, say — what do you think your next step should be? Give them a chance to think and make a decision. When they get stuck, ask — what do you think you could try first? When they ask for help right away, ask — what ideas have you already tried? When they rush through their work, ask — what do you think would make this better?
This begins to shift the responsibility off of your shoulders and onto your children immediately. It shifts them from waiting to thinking, from depending to deciding. It changes their attitude — and it will change yours. It trains ownership in their education in real time, not just in theory.
What Mentoring Actually Looks Like
A lot of people think mentoring is just letting go and not doing very much. It is not about doing less. It is about doing what matters most.
You shift from telling to asking. From managing to guiding. From controlling to training.
Think of it like a coach. The coach plans the drills and the strategy, but when it comes to the game, they are not pitching the ball or throwing the touchdown. They are on the sidelines coaching and guiding. That is what you need to do. If you are burned out, it's probably because you're doing too much teaching and you're still on that conveyor belt.
Instead of correcting every mistake in their writing, ask them to evaluate their work before they give it to you. Ask them — what do you think you could improve in this writing? You are training thinking, not just fixing papers. Especially by high school, they should be editing their own work themselves.
Mentoring Examples From History
This is really what early America was all about. Teenagers had apprenticeships. They learned under a mentor — blacksmiths, printers, farmers. They learned by doing, observing, and gradually taking ownership until eventually they could go off and do it all themselves. This built independence, life skills, and leadership.
Thomas Jefferson had a mentor named George Wythe who would assign books to read. They would write and they would discuss. That is an academic mentorship. And it produced one of the greatest leaders in American history.
Education back then wasn't just about information. It was about transformation. So my question to you is — what transformation is happening in your homeschool?
That is the difference between teaching and mentoring. If you are mentoring, you will see transformation over time. Your kids begin to take ownership. They think critically. They develop confidence. And you, mom, begin to feel less pressure. You have more peace. You can actually enjoy your homeschool again.
What to Do This Week
Choose one subject today or tomorrow and step back. Let your child take the lead while you guide with questions. Questions are some of the best ways to develop critical thinking skills and wise decision making. Step back from one subject for each of your kids and guide them with questions instead of instruction.
We've had moms say that course changed my mindset. It shifted me. And they say — my kids are loving their new teacher because she's not the dictator anymore. She's not the teacher of everything. She is mentoring them.
I would love for you to join me for my free masterclass — Four Steps to Raising Christian Leaders in Your Homeschool. We will be talking about questions and how to use them as one of the key steps in mentoring your kids. There are two different dates and times you can join. The link is in the show notes.
And be looking out for more information about my Raising Leaders, Not Followers course — it has helped so many moms and dads and kids see real transformation in their homeschool.

If your child acts like every lesson is punishment, the problem is probably not laziness — and this episode shows you what is really going on.
We are talking about how to motivate students not through pressure or entertainment, but through purpose and ownership. You will walk away with simple activities to try this week and a completely different way of looking at why your child resists learning in the first place.
Homeschool moms who are exhausted from pushing, bribing, and wondering what is wrong with their kids will find this episode both relieving and practical. When you understand what actually drives motivation in a child, you stop fighting the resistance and start working with who your child really is.
✅Why pressure and entertainment fail to produce lasting motivation
✅1 question to ask after any lesson that opens up real conversation
✅How one small choice completely shifts your child's attitude toward learning
✅Why motivation grows from meaning, not rewards
✅What it looks like when learning finally connects to real life
Grab the free masterclass mentioned in this episode and start raising motivated, purpose-driven learners today.
Resources for You
Free Masterclass: Four Steps to Raising Christian Leaders
Knowing Rediscovered Course (coming this summer)
The Missing Piece in Your Homeschool Vision
Show Notes:
Why Your Kids Resist Learning — And It's Not What You Think
If your child drags through school all day, resists every assignment, and acts like learning is punishment — that doesn't automatically mean you have a lazy child. Often the problem isn't laziness. It's a lack of purpose, a lack of ownership, and the feeling that they are just forced to learn these things. And that forcedness produces resistance.
Meaningful learning produces engagement. Kids don't need more constant pressure to go learn something. What do they need? They need a reason to care.
John Wesley Was the Fruit of Intentional Parenting
Last week we talked about Susanna Wesley and her sons John and Charles. I want to look a little bit at the fruit of what we talked about. Homeschooling should look like it has some kind of purpose and intention besides checking off the boxes. This is not theory. We see so many stories in history that show the fruit.
John Wesley is the fruit of Susanna's intention and purpose in raising her kids with a wide variety of types of education. He was shaped by a purposeful home. John Wesley grew up under Susanna Wesley's intentional instruction and discipline. The upbringing didn't simply train him to comply. It prepared him to think, to lead, and eventually shape others along the way. She prepared him spiritually, critically, academically — and he flew with it.
How are you raising your kids? Do they see any purpose in what they're doing? Or are they just sitting there waiting for mom to tell them the next thing to do?
Motivation Is Connected to Ownership, Not Entertainment
I believe motivation grows when a child knows that his life matters and his learning is going somewhere — instead of just doing something that someone told him to do. When a child feels like school is something being done to them, they're going to resist. They need to understand that learning is helping them grow into who God has made them to be.
If you're multitasking, come back to me for this one. Motivation is often connected to ownership, not entertainment. We think if we entertain our kids enough in school, they'll be motivated. That's not right. If every lesson feels like busy work, don't be surprised when your kids tune you out. Kids will lean in when they see some meaning in their lessons and their studies.
How to Start Connecting Learning to Real Life
I want to give you a little activity you can do this week. After your kids finish their schoolwork, ask each of them individually one simple question — why does this matter? Then zip your lips and listen. Don't turn it into a lecture. Use your two ears. Let it be a conversation.
They may actually have a reason. Or they may not have a reason at all. That will be very eye-opening — to see whether your kids think their learning really matters and what they have to say about it.
You want to start helping them connect their schoolwork to real life. My son Hunter was working on a paper and we were supposed to be studying Roman history. He didn't really care about history at the time. So the next day I said — what if we write it about Derek Jeter, the baseball player? Do you think he was motivated? You better believe it. He read the book. He was interested. Do you think he wrote a better paper? Yes. Why? He was motivated. He saw a purpose. He was interested in it.
We also ended up doing the science of baseball — the math and science of it — because he loves sports. All of a sudden he's interested because he sees a purpose. It connects to real life.
Give Your Kids One Small Choice
Let your child make one small choice in their subject. Ownership can begin with something very small. Hunter was also into animals, and one year he wrote the ABC Jungle Book — every page had a jungle animal with that letter, a paragraph about it, and an illustration. That was motivating because he thought those jungle animals were really cool.
You're not trying to overhaul everything overnight. I'm not telling you to do it all. Just pick one place where your child can make a choice about their school. One. And let them do it. Don't dictate. Don't tell them what to do. Let them learn their way. A little ownership in homeschooling is going to go a long way.
Does it really matter what topic they pick for their writing? No. Maybe your child is into animals, or dance, or boats — whatever it is. Especially in elementary, let them go to the library and pick a topic and get some books about it. It's that simple.
Traditional school trains children to wait for direction, and that produces compliance — but it does not produce motivation. We're not trying to raise kids who only work when someone is watching or when they get a reward. We want to raise kids who learn in all areas of life.
What This Looks Like in Real Life
I've had to learn the hard way too. Many times I told Hunter — no, you're going to write on this, you're going to do this — and it didn't work. They were not motivated. So if you've been feeling like you need to push your kids harder to motivate them, you are not alone.
Knowing how to motivate students starts with one simple shift — connecting their learning to purpose. That's where motivation begins to change. And that is a part of raising leaders, not followers.
I'm hosting a free masterclass — Four Steps to Raising Christian Leaders — and we will be talking about this very topic, including connecting your child's learning to purpose. It's completely free. The link is in the show notes. I hope to see you there.

If your homeschool feels like a scattered pile of tasks instead of a clear path forward, this episode is going to change how you see everything.
We are talking about homeschool vision — what it is, why most moms are missing it, and how two simple, practical activities this week can give your homeschool real direction and purpose. You will walk away with a one-sentence vision statement and a question that helps you evaluate everything you are already doing.
Homeschool moms who are tired of feeling reactive, copying everyone else, and second-guessing every decision will find this episode both clarifying and freeing.
When you build from vision instead of reacting to everything around you, your homeschool starts to feel like something you are intentionally building — not just surviving.
✅2 practical activities to do this week to add purpose in your homeschool
✅Why a homeschool without vision is just a pile of lessons
✅The 1 sentence that gives your entire homeschool a clear direction
✅The question that reveals if you are building something or just staying busy
✅Why reactive homeschooling is keeping you exhausted and stuck
Grab the free resource mentioned in this episode and start building a homeschool with real vision and direction today.
Resources for You
Homeschool Freedom Boot Camp: A 5-Day Live Experience (begins May 12)
Raising Leaders Not Followers Course VIP Wait List - FREE with exclusive benefits & events, just for our VIPers
Show Notes:
The Missing Piece in Your Homeschool: Vision
If your homeschool feels reactive, scattered, or like you're just trying to get through the day — you're not alone. A lot of us homeschool moms, homeschooling starts to feel like just a big string of tasks instead of a clear direction of where you are going. And some of that is because we are just giving our kids tasks. We are developing followers. They're not thinking for themselves.
Followers complete tasks. But leaders live from vision. A homeschool without vision is just a pile of lessons. A homeschool with vision gives you, mom, a path to shape your child, a path to make wise decisions, and a path to prepare for the upcoming school year.
Susanna Wesley Parented with Intention
I've talked about Susanna Wesley many times, but I want to go in a little different direction with her today. She was a mom who parented with intention. She didn't just drift around. She had 19 kids — and she raised a large family without her husband there many times.
And yet she still set aside time, even with a large family, to teach her children individually and regularly. About once a week or once every other week, she spent time individually with each of her kids. She didn't just manage behavior. She wanted to shape their minds and their hearts with a purpose.
Two of her sons, John and Charles Wesley, became very strong leaders in the Christian community. John Wesley began the Methodist denomination. Charles Wesley wrote over 4,000 to 6,000 hymns. They are the fruit and the results of an intentional mother.
I bet you would like your kids to be raised up like that — so that when they are adults, they are leading for Jesus and influencing for Jesus.
What Susanna Wesley Actually Did
Susanna Wesley realized education was more than academics. Here are a few of the things she made sure were going on in her home. She had a religious education that included daily devotions, time for worship and singing, and a Sabbath each week. She built routines — for sleeping, for meals, for dining. She worked on her kids being orderly and disciplined and taught them how to self-regulate.
Many of us need to be teaching our kids how to self-regulate, because when they have that self-control, they are going to grow up to be a different kind of person. I was listening to a podcast from Revive Our Hearts and they talked about a study done with four-year-olds. Each child was brought in and given a marshmallow. They were told — you can have it now, or if you wait until I come back, you get two.
About a third ate that marshmallow immediately. A third waited but not long enough. A third waited for the second marshmallow. When they followed up with these same kids at 18 years old, the ones who waited had self-control, could regulate themselves, and went on to have more successful lives. They had perseverance, strong work ethic, and could deal with frustrations and hard times. Even a four-year-old can begin learning to self-regulate.
She also was very purposeful in teaching manners. This is building character. She had a purpose with each of her kids and was teaching them far more than academics — because some of this other stuff is what will truly prepare our kids for adult life.
Do You Have a Vision for Your Homeschool?
Vision gives your homeschool direction instead of just a bunch of activities. It's what keeps you from making all your decisions based on feelings or what feels urgent. When you know why you are homeschooling, your choices get clear. You stop asking what do I do next and you start asking what are we building.
For me, I wanted to build my kids to think critically and think biblically. That is homeschooling and mothering with intention — and it is very different than reactive.
If you have a reactive homeschool, you're just chasing whatever the curriculum trends are, copying other moms because it looks like the right thing, changing direction constantly. But when you homeschool with intention and purpose, you are choosing tools and activities that match your family's goals. God made you different. He made your kids different. You need a vision for your homeschool.
Public school trains your kids to follow a system and wait for someone to tell them what to do. Christian homeschool vision trains kids to follow the truth.
Two Things to Do This Week
First, write one sentence that says what you want your homeschool to produce in your child. It doesn't need to be fancy — it needs to be simple and easy to understand. You might even put it on a sticky note wherever you sit down to homeschool or where you do your planning. Character, faith, confidence, wise thinking, a love of learning — what is it that you want to build in your children?
Second, pick one thing you already do in your homeschool and ask yourself — does this support our vision, or does it just fill up time? That one question can save you from a lot of busy work you don't need to be doing. You don't need more guilt, mom. You need direction.
What Happens When You Stop Copying Everyone Else
Janelle Kudson — she has seven kids — said she became so consumed with academics, and then God showed her there were more important things than just a rigorous academic experience. When she realized this, the way she saw homeschooling changed. She stopped measuring her success by checking off the checkboxes and started measuring it on a long-term foundation.
Are you building a long-term foundation? You may not see the results for years to come, but you should be making small steps each and every year to give your kids a solid foundation from where they can move into adult life. That's what happens when you stop copying everyone else and start homeschooling on purpose — your family's purpose. And that's really what raising leaders is all about. Knowing where you are going.
I've got a few events this month, and one of them is our Homeschool Freedom Boot Camp. We spend one day on vision and goals so that you can know exactly where you're headed. It is a five-day live experience — six days if you come as a VIP.
If you've been homeschooling reactively — just reacting to everything and copying everyone else — this is your chance to shift your perspective. Homeschool Freedom Boot Camp is where we start building a homeschool with direction, confidence, and purpose. And yes, this is the kind of foundation that leads right into Raising Leaders, Not Followers.
We begin on May 12th. Join here. You can also join the Raising Leaders, Not Followers VIP list for exclusive access to special bonuses and events in May. I can't wait to see you there.