162: Cultivating Joy: Gratitude Practices for Overwhelmed Homeschool Moms
What if cultivating joy in your homeschool could be as simple as saying "good morning" with intention or creating one silly family tradition? In this conversation with Amber Smith (mom of 10!), we're exploring how gratitude practices transform not just your homeschool, but your relationships with your kids and your ability to handle the overwhelming seasons.From speaking life over a strong-willed child to filling your own tank when you feel depleted, Amber shares honest, practical wisdom that will help you step back and see the beautiful life you're actually building.In this episode:✅How cultivating joy through simple habits like "good morning" changes your family atmosphere✅The power of speaking life over difficult children instead of defeat✅Why remembering where you've come from creates gratitude in overwhelming seasons✅Practical gift-giving traditions that build thankfulness (including a hilarious "most beautiful of women" story!)✅How to find community and fill your tank when you're running on emptyReady to practice gratitude with your family? Grab the FREE 30 Days of Gratitude Challenge hyperlink mentioned in this episode and join hundreds of families starting November 1st!Recommended Resources:30 Days of Gratitude ChallengeGrand Prize GiveawayThe Six Keys to Your Successful Homeschool Year: Self-paced Course & Guided Journal. Book available on AmazonIn Due Season CoursesAmber Smith Amber Smith and her chef husband of 28 years raised ten wild children in southern Iowa. Her desire to help homeschool parents avoid burnout and build their best lives with strong relationships led her to start blogging at 200 Fingers & Toes. That is where you can find the latest articles, product reviews, and new In Due Season Homeschool Podcast episodes.Show Notes:Why Gratitude Can Give You PeaceWe are talking about a topic that I really think can slow you down and move you to a little bit of peace and joy, and a chance to maybe take that coffee break, or a bathroom break, or whatever you need to just get some peace. We are talking about gratitude today.My friend Amber Smith is here, and she's gonna be able to just bless you in your homeschool and in your family.Amber: I really enjoy getting to share with you and connect with the audience, and I'm looking forward to this 30 Days of Gratitude. I feel like it's such a good and important season to remind moms to just kind of step back and evaluate and assess kind of where we're at, and bring back an attitude of gratitude so we can kind of go forward into the holiday season realigned.Y'all, I'm gonna tell you right now, if Amber can focus on gratitude, and she has 10 kids, she calls herself 200 Fingers and Toes, then any homeschool family, any family at all, can take a step back and not get into the pressure.Meet Amber Smith: Homeschool Courage LenderAmber: One of the reasons why I started the blog was because so many people were hesitant to homeschool, and thought they weren't capable or equipped, and didn't have enough of X, Y, or Z. Really the main reason that I started sharing my story was because I wanted to show people that anybody could homeschool.Really, the desire to homeschool was the most important thing. Beyond that, it's just skills that you could learn. I was a high school dropout, I was involuntarily homeschooled for my last two years of high school. I got a job and took some classes at the community college.Coming forward as a homeschooling mom, I really didn't have a view of homeschooling and kind of had to find my own way. I have a heart for moms who are jumping into homeschooling and discovering it for themselves, and kind of making a roadmap for themselves that makes the most sense.I call myself a homeschool courage lender. I want to lend the courage to moms who are starting, so that they can get that for themselves, and then take that and start building homeschool that really fits them and is personalized to their life and family.We have 10 kids. I have graduated 7, and I have the last 3 at home right now. I am kind of on the downward slide. We're all down to high schoolers, and it's a very exciting time at our house, because I get to see the fruits of that, and I get to see the fruits of all of our children's lives, and how homeschooling has provided them with some skills.Cultivating Joy Must Be PracticedYou have made a comment that gratitude must be cultivated, nurtured, and practiced. What does that really look like in a real family life, especially when you have 10 children, or you still have those 3 at home?Amber: I was thinking back, what were the things I had to reset my brain to imagine me back at the table with 7 children, 7 and under, starting our first day of homeschool. Even that just makes my heart just so excited to see it was just an idea at the time, and we weren't really confident about what it was going to look like long-term in the future.One of those things that I think is so important about practicing gratitude is kind of looking at where you've come from and looking at what you have accomplished so far. I think so many times, we get to this certain place, and there's so many obligations and so many things we need to do, but sometimes it's just to sit back and be like, hey, you know what? This was the struggle we started with this year, and we really have come a long way, and we really have overcome that challenge.We kind of do yearly evaluations, and we talk about the skills that we want to build with our kids, or maybe character things that we want to address. At the end of the year, we go back over that list, and we see what we wanted to work on at the beginning of the year.Some years we've missed the mark completely, and we just put that on the list for next year. But oftentimes, as we go back and look at the things that we've wanted to learn or establish with our family, we can see that, oh wow, actually, we did make a lot of groundwork.The Power of Simple Daily HabitsOne of the things as a homeschooling mom is your job is never done. Never. The dishes will always be there, laundry will always be there, school will always need to be done. Without a finish line, I think it's really important to set some artificial places where we can stop and kind of evaluate what we've done personally.Amber: With our kids, a few really small ways we've established gratitude—I think it was a quote from Little House on the Prairie, but Pa said, good morning is one of the best words. I deeply feel that. Good morning is probably the most important thing that we can say to each other every day.That's just a tiny habit that we've established. When you wake up in the morning, when you see that first person, we greet each other, and we say good morning, and we usually give each other a hug. We're a huge I love you family, so we obnoxiously say I love you in our house, and we say it to our friends, and we say it to people's parents.That's just a habit that we've created, because we do love each other, and we want to acknowledge that. Taking the time to acknowledge the people in the room, taking the time to stop and say hello and how are you—those are little things that sometimes we just think are niceties, but actually they're establishing a heart that looks at other people and sees them.That is so good. When you started, you were talking about homeschooling just keeps continuing, sometimes you need to take a stop and look at what's happened. It made me think of the word remember, and it's a word in the Bible that's used over and over.God was telling the Israelites, remember when I did this, and remember this. Now, whenever I see it, I use colors in my Bible. I put an orange rectangle around it, and it just pops out. That idea is used over and over in the Bible, and I think we do need to remember all the good things that God has done.I also like that you didn't say, we failed in this. You said, we missed the mark, and I was like, what a great way to say, okay, we missed the mark, but we're going to keep moving forward.Gift-Giving Traditions That Build GratitudeLet's sort of take that gratitude. We're in the holidays, the Thanksgiving holiday, which is all about thanks. How do you use gift-giving and your family traditions to build gratitude during the holidays?Amber: The first holiday I thought of, was we actually have a tradition for Valentine's Day. I buy a little cup, and I fill it with candy, and we put them all around the table, but I always put a card and pens. I make all of the children write a little note, so each person has their name on the card, and then all of the other kids go around the table and just write a little message to their siblings, just what they love about them.I just think it's just one of those times—we can create different opportunities. I just felt like Valentine's Day is about love, and so it was a great opportunity to tell our siblings what we love about each other.Now my oldest daughter's married, and my son-in-law came over for Valentine's Day, and he got a card with all of the things that the kids love about him. About a month later, I went to their house, and it's on the fridge. Those are actually really meaningful things.I'm a words of affirmation person, and so sometimes maybe our gifts and our love languages we can use to kind of bring out things in other people. You can create your own holidays, you don't have to wait.Definitely at Thanksgiving, it's busy, and so I really try to create some intentional opportunities that we don't bypass and forget. We try to just create some times where we sit together, because the holiday I host, it's 30 people plus at our house.When She Forgot to Actually Give ThanksI know we had one Thanksgiving where everybody left, and I thought, oh my gosh, we did no actual Thanksgiving things. We just ate. We ate, and we visited, we played games, and we moved on, and I just remember feeling like a check in my spirit that I don't want to do this again. I don't want to miss the opportunity of having gratitude and sharing with each other what we value about each other and what we're thankful for.So we try to set a time that we can say what we're grateful for. For me, Christmas is really busy, and so the same thing kind of happens. We host, we have family come in, it's just a swamped, crazy house over here.Amber: I bought—I can't remember who it was—but they had a Christmas tree fold-out book that just did an Advent every day, and it was an ornament that you got out of the little book, and you hung up, and it had a little card. I just thought, I just need a crutch. I need something to help me become grateful. I need something to help me practice gratitude.I love how the Lord had the Israelites build pillars, and build remembrances, and build things that they physically saw in front of them to help remind them of that moment, and to help them be grateful for what happened. When they passed the river, they had them put the pillar of stone so they would remember their crossing and remember what God did.I think it's very on task to say, let's use tools that we have in front of us to help us be in the front of our mind about gratitude. If you find a devotional—the She Reads Truth had some kids cards that had a little Advent plan all the way to Christmas.Finding a tool that helps you be intentional, I think, is a great way to just help you all focus. The kids loved it, so if the kids like it, they will make you do it, and I think that's a great way to have your kids involved, because they will make you remember.Kids will remind you. When I was at my daughter's last January, she just had a baby, and I had the other two. She was at the hospital longer than was expected for various reasons. I was going through this devotional that I had given the kids.By the end of the week, they come home with the baby on Friday or Saturday, and the little 3-year-old at the time, he's like, GG, Bible book, Bible book, Bible book, because every day we were doing this little devotional. Even a 3-year-old, they're like, we've been doing this for 4 days, so get us going.You said something I think is really important, and that is you need crutches. I think crutches are not bad. You don't feel like, I'm not good enough, so I've got to use this other stuff. That's why God's given us a lot of different gifts, to be able to be intentional. Sometimes we have to think ahead, and then we need to choose what might help us the best.The "Most Beautiful of Women" StoryLet's talk about self-care and taking care of ourselves. If moms are struggling to sort of take care of themselves, or to just feel grateful about what God's doing in their life, what would you suggest to them? I know some of them are overwhelmed and not appreciated, and they got a lot going on.Amber: First of all, I thought of a funny memory. I had a period of time where I am a words of affirmation mother, and I felt very empty in the gas tank. I had 7 little ones, and just a high-intensity need life. I just felt like I was not getting enough positive words fed back to me.So I made a rule that the oldest boys, whenever they answered me, they had to say, yes, mother, most beautiful of women.It was hilarious. It went on for a year. For a year, every time I said, boys, go do this, yes, mother, most beautiful of women. I tell you what, it was kind of a joke, but it filled my tank, and it made me—it just really did. It filled my heart.Sometimes a silly game—sometimes just take the stress and anxiety and horribleness out of it, and just try to be fun, and create some silly ways that you can maybe communicate things that you need to hear, or that your kid needs to hear.It was very funny, but it was at a really hard time in life for me, and I really needed positive words. It was such a great season that the kids answered me that way, and they would do it at church, they would do it at the store. It was very, very entertaining, and it just became a fun little habit. Sometimes you can be creative, and you can fill your own tank in ways that maybe just are silly and cute.Building Community That Fills Your TankAmber: I have a book, Six Keys to Your Homeschooling Success, and one of the chapters is about community, and building community. I really think that in seasons where we are the sole person at home with our kids, and carrying the responsibility of homeschooling, we need support.It's really, really important to find people that are maybe in your same life area, people that you can talk to, and people that can support you, and also people who can reflect back to you the same situations or what's going on.I have probably changed friends groups 3 times. My early friends who had kids that were my oldest kids' ages stopped having kids. Then we kind of outgrew those friendships, because then I had a whole bunch of little kids again, so we made some new friends.Each time that we have come to a place where I had a different set of needs, and I had a different set of situations that I was dealing with—when I moved to having high schoolers, our church had closed. We really forcibly lost our community because we were a very rural church, and so when it closed, all of those people lived 70 miles outside of our circle.I remember hitting a place where it was about a year that we didn't go to church because we were kind of in a place where we weren't sure where we wanted to go. I remember just telling my husband, I need people. I'm gonna find somewhere, because I have high schoolers, I am in the middle of just all of these things, and I need support.I think it's really good for us to kind of maybe evaluate and say, where do I need support? If that's joining a women's group, if that's getting involved in your church community, if that's joining a homeschool co-op, wherever it is that you can maybe find a place that fills your tank.Even if that's something outside. I started blogging and writing because that was one of the things I really wanted to do. I wanted to be a writer when I grow up. Working with other writers and bloggers—something that filled my tank so that then when I had to give out and homeschool and do all those things, I had some things that I looked forward to.In whatever capacity that is, looking at somewhere that fills your tank and can kind of give back to you, but I think in building community, it's one of the best places where you can get human interaction that feeds your soul and fills you up.I love that story with your kids. We should have fun together as a family. You do need to fill your tank. I also think sometimes when I write down things that I'm grateful for, that actually lowers my stress and gives me peace and joy, because it's like, get your mind off your problems and get it on to God.Laughing and having fun together—when you just have that really deep belly laugh, it just feels so good. Find ways to add some fun to your family, even if you're a really serious, somber person. Everyone needs to laugh as well.We do have different seasons of life. You might need to find some new people. You want to find people that will encourage you in your season of wherever you are right now.Speaking Life Over Strong-Willed ChildrenI know you also mentioned how gratitude changed your relationships with your kids. Is there anything that you could say about gratitude, about how maybe it changed your marriage, your relationships with your kids, or maybe even the way that you homeschooled?Amber: One of the ways that gratitude has really helped me in my relationship with my kids—I am not a controlling person, and I'm a pretty mellow, even-keeled person. I have some intensely control-oriented children. That can be a conflict, and it can be really hard.There are personality things that we have to resolve as homeschooling mothers that can feel all-consuming, and can feel really difficult. I remember going through a really difficult time with my oldest daughter. It was hard, and her personality is very different than mine, and it can feel personal.When you're dealing with a child who just doesn't think like you think, and maybe challenges you and your parenting, it can feel like they're out to hurt you. That's just because our mother hearts are tender. We want to love our kids, we want to do best by them, and so when things are hard, that can be really difficult.I remember going to my best friend, and I was just complaining. I just needed somebody to hear me. I remember she just kind of called me out, and said, hey, you know what? I'm hearing the words that you're saying about your daughter, and what a brave, beautiful friend to say this. She just said, I think that you should really think about the words that you're speaking, and maybe look at that and see if you could speak life over your situation.For half a second, I was deeply offended, because your friend should hear you, and should hear your heart, and let you complain, but you know what? God bless that she loved me so much that she called my attention to that. I was being really negative, and in my negativity, I was being defeated about that situation. I was really giving up my power and claiming that I was powerless.In that check that she gave me, I really became intentional and started to speak life over my daughter. Even though she was very strong-willed, I just said, you know what? God made this child this strong-willed. That means that he has a purpose for her that is so great that she needs all of this tenacity to be able to accomplish that.If I destroy that, she will never be able to do what God has called her to do. My job as her mother and the person who's helping her hone these skills and talents is to help her use this power well. I started being like, I'm a partner with God in helping this child create her purpose.I just started to speak life over her, and I think that is gratitude. When we can look at a situation and step back and call out what is true and what is real, because we know who God created us to be, we know who God called our children to be, and speak life.That was just one of the ways, and that really was a turning point in our relationship. As I began speaking life over her, we went from screaming at each other in the living room. It was a hard season. Now, she's 25, and I will say that child is my best friend.All of her siblings are kind of shocked that we are so closely knit together, but we did the work. We worked really hard on our relationship, and really worked on being grateful and kind and forgiving and grace-filled to one another, even in difficult situations.Sometimes stepping outside of what you see and just shaping your view of your family, your view of your situation—sometimes husbands can be frustrating. They live in a different world, and they come home with different mindsets and different things that they've got on their mind, and so we can battle, but also we can step back, and we can be like, you know what, I'm so thankful for the things that my husband does so that I can be here in this place and in this position I am now. We're a team.I think gratitude kind of puts us back on the same level again and gives us a heart where, hey, we're equals in this place. Sometimes my husband and I will sit in bed at night, and we just talk about when we first met, or the funny things that brought us together. I think that's one of the ways that we practice gratitude, is by remembering all of the ways we've succeeded, and all of the hard things we've gone through.I think it's important in our relationships to remember the struggles and the difficulties and the overcoming, so that we can get back to this place where our hearts are knit together and we're on the same team.The Power of WordsWords are so important. Words can cut you down, but they can build you up. Too often, I can get really negative and start saying things, even about—I love my children, but they could do something that sort of grinds on me.I have a statistic—something like, kids hear 300-something negative words a day and 17 positive. That applies to probably our marriages, our kids. We need to—you don't do false positive words. You don't just say good things to say them. You need to speak truth to them and speak life.Words are so effective, and even if they aren't acting like it, you can speak the truth of who they are. Like, you're a strong-willed child. God's got things in her life that she's got to be strong. My mom would have told you I'm a strong-willed child, too, and my husband would say I was stubborn.Yet, that stubbornness can be used to be faithful for years and years and years, despite bad things going on in our family and our lives. Use even things that grind on you—speak life to them, and really focus on speaking truth, and building them up, and noticing. You gotta pay attention to when they're actually doing something that you can praise them for as well.The other word you used was forgiveness. We were talking about this at Bible study, because we were going through Ephesians 5 on husbands and wives. We need to forgive, and they're going to get on our nerves. Forgive and go on and let God take care of that. He's the only one that can change anyone.Six Keys to Homeschooling SuccessYou mentioned your book, Six Keys to Homeschooling Success. Can you tell people a little bit more about that, and where they could get it if they're interested?Amber: Actually, it started off as a course, and so I have a full course online that basically helps parents build their own roadmap, because I think so many people are trying to fit themselves into homeschooling, and trying to fit a model or the school.I think if we step back and really ask some deeper questions, we can personalize our homeschool to fit, A, our goals, but B, our kids' needs the best way. It started as a course, but then I thought, you know what, I need this to be accessible to people in a broader sense.We took it to Kindle KDP, and now it's available on Amazon as well. It's the 6 Keys to Your Successful Homeschool Year. I just wanted every parent to have access to ask the right questions before they start.It's just a course and a guided journal in the back, and it asks questions each week. As you answer those questions, you build a roadmap for you. I remember reading online, somebody asked the question, hey, I'm in a homeschool, what curriculum should I use?I just thought, that is a crazy question. Anybody who answers that question to you right now is doing you a disservice. There are a whole bunch of questions that we should ask before that, so that you know exactly what you want.I think if we could help parents ask better questions, then they know exactly what they're looking for, and I want people to start their homeschool year knowing exactly what they're looking for and what they want to accomplish.I have a ton of articles and things, 200 Fingers and Toes, because I had 200 fingers and toes to clean up after for a lot of years. One thing that people always remembered about me was that I had 10 kids, so I thought, I'm gonna capitalize on this.The blog is 200 Fingers and Toes, and there we have probably 300 articles that are reviews, devotionals, curriculum ideas, and just life situations that we've shared about what our homeschool looks like, and maybe problems that we've overcome. You can search by topic, you can search by questions. We've done graduations and college prep, and just lots of things that we've covered over all the years that we've been homeschooling. Just a resource to get information and answer questions.You make a good point, because you need to do what's best for your family, not the family next door. Amber has 10 kids. Maybe you live in downtown Chicago and have one kid in a high-rise. Your homeschool will definitely look different than Amber's.For you to say, what's the best third grade curriculum, you need to use some of these questions that Amber is providing for you, because you need to find out what's best for you, your children, your family in this season of time, and it may change.
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