Homeschool Coffee Break

Is your child's screen time affecting their developing brain more than you realize? Join Kerry Beck as she sits down with Mandee Hamann, from Screen Strong, to uncover the surprising brain science behind screens and why even educational apps might be causing harm.
✅Why the frontal cortex doesn't develop until age 25 and what that means for smartphone use
✅The shocking truth about dopamine levels in gaming vs. nature play
✅ How to tell the difference between passive and interactive screens
✅The 30-day detox that's reversing ADHD-like symptoms in kids
✅ Practical ways to replace screens with activities that build strong brain pathways
Ready to protect your child's developing brain?
Grab the resources mentioned in this episode below!
Resources Mentioned:
Get your FREE Basic Pass to Life Skills Leadership Summit 2026 to give you confidence that your kids will be ready for adult life
Screen Strong Chart for Families
Mandee Hamann, businesswoman and former earlychildhood/children’s pastor is mom to 2 young adults and 1 teenager. After her own family struggled with toxic screen issues, she was introduced to ScreenStrong. The ScreenStrong lifestyle changed everything for her family. Mandee became a ScreenStrong Ambassador and is committed to spreading this powerful message. She occasionally guest hosts on the ScreenStrong Families Podcast and is a member of the ScreenStrong team as the Ambassador Liaison. She enjoys training & equipping Ambassadors from all over the globe to spread the ScreenStrong Solution to screen conflicts in the home.
Follow ScreenStrong on Facebook and Instagram

Thirty years ago, we never imagined we'd be navigating conversations about gender identity and sexuality with our children, but here we are. In this powerful conversation, Dannah Gresh from Pure Freedom Ministries shares biblical wisdom and practical tools to help you confidently guide your kids through today's confusing culture.
In this episode, you'll discover:
✅Three key Bible passages every child needs to understand about their body and identity before the world tells them lies
✅How to have age-appropriate conversations about gender and sexuality without robbing your children of their innocence
✅The critical difference between accepting and affirming when someone you love is walking through gender confusion
✅Why your child's maleness or femaleness is directly connected to reflecting God's image in the world
✅Practical strategies for responding with both truth and compassion when your kids encounter gender ideology at school or online
Ready to equip yourself with biblical truth? Grab the resources Dannah mentions in this episode to start these important conversations with confidence.
Get your FREE Basic Pass to Life Skills Leadership Summit 2026 to give you confidence that your kids will be ready for adult life: https://HowToHomeschoolMyChild.com/lsls26
Resources Mentioned:
It’s Great to Be a Girl
Lies Girls Believe
Lies Girls Believe Mom’s Guide
Lies Young Women Believe
Lies Women Believe
It’s Great to Be a Boy
Lies Boys Believe
Lies Men Believe
Dannah Gresh is the founder of True Girl, a ministry dedicated to providing tools to help moms and grandmas disciple their 7–12-year-old girls. She is the co-host of Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth’s Revive Our Hearts podcast and Revive Our Hearts Weekend. She has authored over twenty-eight books, including a Bible study for adult women based on the book of Habakkuk. Dannah and her husband, Bob, have just released a new book and limited-series podcast called Happily Even After which tells their marriage redemption story. They live on a hobby farm in central Pennsylvania.
Show Notes:
Introduction: A Topic We Never Imagined Facing
Kerry: Well hey everyone, Kerry back here with Life Skills Leadership Summit. Today I'm excited—not because of the topic, because it's a really difficult topic on sexuality and gender—but Dannah Gresh, I've just gotten to know her from a distance through podcasts and Revive Our Hearts and reading one of her books as well. But I do know that she has got a lot to say on this issue. So Dannah, thank you so much for being here. I really appreciate it.
Dannah: Oh, I am so honored and delighted. Thank you for having me.
Kerry: So before we get started, let me just pray for us and we'll let God guide this conversation.
Father in Heaven, thank you. Thank you for today. Thank you for Zoom. Thank you that we can have a conversation and we can share it with many, many people. We thank you that you are sovereign, that you're the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, and we can rest in that no matter what's going on around us. And there's a lot of mess going on around us, but we can have our hope in Jesus.
We just thank you for Jesus and the bond that we have in Him through the blood that He shed for us. I thank you for Dannah being here. I pray that the things that you want said will be spoken through this conversation, that you will be glorified, and that the ones that are listening, you will just really touch their hearts and show them what types of practical steps or spending more time in the Word—whatever you want them to do—and just to be led by the Holy Spirit. We pray all these things in Jesus' powerful name, amen.
Dannah: Amen.
About Pure Freedom Ministries and Partnership
Kerry: Okay, for those of you that don't know, Dannah has Pure Freedom Ministries and this has two parts: True Girl and Born to Be Brave. By the time y'all listen to this, you probably already heard one of my kickoffs because we do one on Sunday night before the whole week and I'll explain it.
But they are our organization that we are supporting through this Summit. So we'll take the profits that we make on anyone that upgrades from free to VIP. If you upgrade to VIP, 5% of our profits will go to this organization. And then some of our speakers—you've probably heard about the ones that have chosen to—if they decide to donate 5% of their commissions, then I will match that 5% as well.
So hopefully, you know, that will be just a little way that y'all can support what Dannah and her team are doing. So I just want to make sure everyone understands that before we get going.
Dannah: What a blessing. Thank you so much.
Dannah's Story: From Teenager to Ministry Leader
Kerry: Well, let's before we start this topic, can you just tell people a little bit about yourself?
Dannah: Sure. Well, I love Jesus first and foremost, and He is the best part of everything about my life. I came to know Him when I was a really little girl through Child Evangelism Fellowship five-day clubs. I just love Child Evangelism Fellowship to this day because I remember that moment when I surrendered my heart and my life to Jesus. So precious.
But fast forward—at the age of 15, I was a teacher for Child Evangelism Fellowship. I was teaching Sunday school in my church to three-year-olds, and I loved the Lord like crazy. But I was in a Christian dating relationship and was blindsided by sexual temptation.
I just thought that was not possible in my life because I loved the Lord so much. And it became this great shame and this great heartache of my life until I was about 26. I just really understood that even though it had been so long since I'd experienced that sin and chosen that sin, I hadn't really received the redemption and the freedom that Christ died to give me.
When I did, my life changed. And I had to get out my megaphone—my proverbial megaphone—and tell teenage girls. And then as I was doing that, ministry just kind of exploded.
I was praying, "Lord, let me graduate to college girls and adult women." And the Lord said, "What about my little women? What about my 10-year-olds and what about my 9-year-olds and what about my 8-year-olds?"
I was like, "Lord, that's really great. Somebody needs to do children's ministry, but what about me graduating from high school girls to the older women?" And He was persistent. The Lord just kept opening doors.
Before we knew it, we really are one of the largest ministries that takes biblical truth to 8 to 12-year-old girls. And now we have boys—we just added them in the last few years—through live events, box subscriptions, Bible studies, online Bible studies, at-home Bible studies with mom. We want to put mom in the driver's seat. We believe that's what God's Word says—that mom and dad belong in the driver's seat of a child's moral development.
Now we fast forward to this year. We live in a time and a day and age when the government and a lot of different political entities believe that parents aren't equipped to make moral decisions about their children. Well, we still believe they are.
And now I understand why the Lord has put us in this critical position. One of the things we've done really well through the years is take whatever the difficult issues of the day are—when we started, that was AIDS—and we look at it through a biblical lens.
Today, that biblical lens that we look through, we're looking at the issue mostly of gender and identity. And when you think about how do we talk to an 8-year-old about that biblically without robbing them of their innocence, and also just the depression and anxiety these kids are at the tip of the spear...
Teens have long been at the tip of the spear, but the enemy has moved the line backward. And now it's those 8 to 12-year-olds that really are having to grapple with things that their little hearts and minds aren't ready for. But we know how to do that in a way that's safe and biblical and most importantly keeps mom and dad in the driver's seat.
The Trends We're Seeing in Gender Identity
Kerry: That is so good. And I know I'm on y'all's True Girl mailing list, and so they have things and I have downloaded a few things just to find out exactly what they are. I'm giving my daughter some of y'all's books as well. I think it's the Lies Young Girls Believe, something like that. I'm not quite sure what it was.
But I do have to tell you, all of a sudden I have one more connection with you because I grew up with Child Evangelism Fellowship and I became a believer at a Good News Club. I started, went to their CEF training as a teenager, and then we did the five-day clubs in Houston. So I was like, oh wow, that's so interesting. Small world.
Dannah: They are a fruitful ministry. Look at us—we're passing, we're the fruit, we're passing on fruit. We're the fruit of their fruit.
Kerry: My parents, they're in their 70s and 80s, and a while back they would lead Good News Clubs in the public school for like five years. They're still going on with it and all. So I love it. It does work.
So okay, so we are in a just a strange time. And if you had asked us 30 years ago, we'd be going, "No way, we wouldn't be dealing with these issues." So what kind of trends are you seeing right now when it comes to gender identity and sexuality?
Dannah: Well, you know, I would say heterosexual is definitely not in style. And what we see is a lot of teens claiming to be pansexual, where they're just willing to erase anything that has a baseline of truth to it and embrace everything. Basically, is what pansexuality is.
A lot of teens in terms of gender are saying they're non-binary. That's just what's in style right now. And you might say, "Well, but there really is a problem. There are some kids that definitely struggle with gender dysphoria."
Absolutely, that's true. Historically, we've known for decades that children—a very, very small percentage of them—are born with things like Klinefelter syndrome, fragile X syndrome. These are syndromes like Down syndrome where there are chromosomal abnormalities in that child's body.
And the parents and the physicians have to work together to decide, how are we going to raise this child? Most cases, they can take a blood test and they can determine this child is clearly male or clearly female. But we have some issues that we're going to have to deal with because of these syndromes.
But in most cases, they can really figure out what's happening there. And so that's the good news. But I think it's an important thing for us that we have to be compassionate because for some people that you meet on the street that you're not quite sure—are they male or female?—that's not a choice. It was something that they were born with. That's very difficult and painful. So we have to be careful.
But on the other end of the spectrum, what we're seeing right now is—well, let me explain it this way. In about the year 2011, there was a shift from transgenderism being predominantly a male problem to now, it is today predominantly female. You see more teenage females transitioning than males.
So the intellectually honest sociologists will say, "What happened to make that really dramatic shift happen?"
And I think probably the person that's been bravest about it is a woman named Abigail Shrier. She's a journalist, not a believer as far as I know, conservative though, and yet very intellectually honest. Some parents kept writing to her and saying, "We need somebody to research this."
And she brought together some of the bravest sociologists, some of the bravest intellectually honest ones. And what they found was clusters of girls transitioning. So in other words, a school district or a school or a city was seeing a lot of girls transitioning, and there were pops of this all over the United States.
Now if this were a more intellectually honest occurrence, you would have seen it happening more evenly over the culture. But that's not the case. What's happening is cluster contagion. And that's what we're calling it now, which basically is peer pressure causing girls to say, "I don't feel comfortable in my body."
Now let me remind you, there aren't very many of us that felt super comfortable in our body in seventh grade. But we weren't having somebody sit there next to us and telling us that might be because you're not really a girl.
So I guess what we're seeing is a lot of confusion. Majority of what we're seeing is mass confusion that we need to prepare our children for and that we need to speak into truthfully. But we can't forget the compassion because there's a sliver of people struggling right now where this really is a deeply painful thing and not something that they chose.
Why This Topic Is Critical Right Now
Kerry: That is something. So I mean, to me it seems pretty obvious, but why do you think this topic is so important right now?
Dannah: Well, it's—let me say, take that from two angles. One reason it's important is because your children are being lied to, and we need to speak truth into their hearts and into their minds. We have to put so much truth into them that there's not room for the world's lies.
When they see or hear a counterfeit, they immediately know, "That's not what I learned from God's Word. That's not what I learned from my parents whom I trust to be true." And they come to you and they say, "Hey, I just heard this." And you help—might not know the answers, but you help them figure out.
But here's why I think it's really important, and this is why it's been important since the beginning of time. In Genesis 1:26 and 27-28, in that chapter we see God saying that He's made us in His image. And then He could have listed almost anything about us that would have made us like Him—our language proficiency, our ability to compose sonnets, our creativity, the fact that we would figure out how to defy gravity and fly to the moon. All these things about us are so God-like. Our even our emotions—animals are emotive, but not to the degree that we are.
And yet God says one thing: "In the image of God He created them, male and female He created them."
Our maleness and our femaleness is a distinct part of representing the image of God on this lost world. That's why it matters more than anything. And that's what our children need to know more than anything.
How Parents Can Communicate God's Truth
Kerry: That is so good. I mean, it really is. We need to—and I love what y'all do is always going back to the Bible, you know. And this is a Christian conference. There's plenty of things out there for parents, but we want to make sure we're always going back to the Bible.
So what are some things that parents could do? Like you want them to—one of the things that I know I've heard you say many times, we need to speak truth to our soul, but first we have to teach our kids what the truth is. How can parents communicate God's truth in regards to gender and sexuality and identity?
Dannah: Well, I obviously encourage them to get them in the Word and some of these key passages that talk about our bodies. And I basically have three key passages that I think our kids need to study about this. I write about them in It's Great to Be a Girl. My husband and one of his co-authors writes about them in It's Great to Be a Guy. That's for kids aged 8 to 12, somewhere in that range.
First one is in the book of 1 Corinthians. It says that our bodies exist to glorify God. That the purpose of our body is to glorify God. You know, we get really sidetracked and we think our bodies are for us to feel good, for us to feel pleasure, for us to look good and be this just vision of beauty or handsomeness, whatever it is.
Our bodies were created to glorify God. That's why they exist—to showcase Him, to give honor to Him. That's why we dress carefully and tastefully and modestly. That's why we use language that's becoming and careful. That's why we don't get into the dark.
I'm always concerned when we get into really dark-looking countenance and clothings and styles because Jesus is light and He is love and He is joy, and we want our countenance to reflect that. But my body doesn't exist for Dannah. My body exists for God.
Then the second thing is the one I just mentioned earlier: Genesis 1:26 and 27, that the purpose of my body—how I glorify God—is as a female or male image-bearer. Because glorifying Him—I like to say that the moon glorifies the sun, okay? The moon doesn't have any light of its own, but it reflects the light of the sun, and that's why we have a full moon. They're so beautiful.
Well, in the same way, we have to look like God. That's what glorifying Him means. And Genesis 1:26-27 says we do that best in the defined roles, the binary roles of maleness and femaleness. So they matter. They're important.
And then the other verse that I think is really important is in Romans 12:1 and 2. It says, "I beg you brothers, by the mercy of God, that you present your body as a living sacrifice."
So when my body, which was created to glorify God, doesn't feel like glorifying God as a female image-bearer of God, it becomes a sacrifice to God because I choose to live sacrificially according to the purpose of my body as a female image-bearer.
Now I don't know that those are the only passages that your children need to get into, but those are three of the big ones that they need to memorize, dissect, be familiar with, understand. And that's going to give them more than studying all the counterfeits. That's going to give them the fuel they need for the conversations that are going to come up in their lives at one point or another.
Age-Appropriate Conversations About Truth
Kerry: That's so good. Because we don't know what's going to happen in 20 years, you know, and what things they're going to need to know.
When you think about even these three passages or talking about truth at different ages, because you've talked about 8 to 12 and then we've got teenagers, would you approach them differently or do you have any suggestions about that?
Dannah: Well, with teens, of course, I'm going to be a lot more forthright. Although more and more—we just had a mom communicate with us that her child is attending a private school, not a Christian school but a private school. And just this year, the daughter came home and said, "Hey, we have Teacher X teaching at our school." And I'm not going to say the name. And it's not Mr. X or Mrs. X, it's Teacher X.
And of course this mom said, "Well, do you know if Teacher X is male or female?" And she kind of said, "Well, this is what I think, but that's probably—they're trying not to look that way." So there's obviously some gender confusion there.
What was really interesting is that when they have a student teacher, this parent had previously gotten a letter that said, "This is the teacher, this is what you need to know about them, I want to introduce them to you, they'll be starting on this date, they'll be ending on this date." In this case, that didn't happen.
So that child is in about fifth grade. So we're not—and I've heard in my own school district of kindergarteners who are being told, "You get to pick your pronoun in my class. Maybe you weren't allowed that opportunity at home, but in my class you get to choose what you are, who you are."
And so more and more we are having to have more of a conversation that we want, especially if we've chosen for our children not to be homeschooled or not to be in a space where their teaching is governed by truth. And that's not you, but it may be your friends, and it may be someone you're conversing with or having coffee with, you know, needs to know—hey, some crazy stuff is happening in some of these schools.
And they don't believe it until it hits them. And then that's how this mom was. She's like, "I heard about it in California and I heard about it in this state and that state, but my state?" Yes, your state.
So I think it's really important that we let them drive the questions though. So at high school we maybe are being, you know, we're talking about transgenderism, we're talking about all the different language that is used—the LGBTQ+, non-binary, binary, pansexuality.
Mom, dad, you got to do some vocabulary work on this one. You've got to know the words, and that's going to help build your credibility. If you have a child who has been exposed, if you don't know a word, just say, "I'm not really sure what pansexuality is. Let's look it up and learn together, and then we're going to go to God's Word and figure out what He says about it."
But when you're under, I would say 12 years old, I would just stick to God's truth. And what you're going to find, and what we have found as we have taken moms and daughters through It's Great to Be a Girl online Bible study or It's Great to Be a Guy online Bible study, is that studying it in the Bible and having mom and dad sitting there talking with you about it brings up the questions.
They'll say, "I heard that so-and-so down the street has two dads," or "I heard that this friend at church has a brother who's becoming a sister." And you have the opportunity then to talk to them about that stuff.
But I really like to let them drive that rather than us introducing things. And there's such a fine line there. And what I want to say is we don't—we have to be very careful about being afraid of the topic of sex because God isn't. He's not afraid of the topic, and we don't need to be afraid of it.
But there are developmental phases where our children are more ready for some of these things than others. And if you can delay some of these conversations until they are developmentally ready, I think that's wise.
The Importance of Reclaiming Biblical Sexuality
Kerry: I think that's really good. And I appreciate you saying that we need to talk to them about sexuality more than just what sex is or how do we have kids, that type of thing. Because I know I heard on one of y'all's podcasts, you know, if we don't reclaim the sexuality and what's going on, the world is going to take over, which is what it's doing. And the church really does need to understand it. And if moms and dads don't, they need to do some research and stuff.
Dannah: Well, and Ephesians 5:31 and 32 says, "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." And then it's almost like the Apostle Paul has ADHD or something. Because it's like he changes the subject. He says, "I'm really talking about Christ and the church."
And this verse probably more than any other in Scripture tells us that marriage is meant to be a picture of the love Christ has for His bride, the church. But you can see that taught from Genesis to Revelation. It's a very important picture in the body of Christ.
And if we do not wake up to really protect and defend that picture, we're going to wake up one day to see the gospel completely marginalized—not just marriage, but the gospel.
And I guess my question for all of us is: if sex and marriage really does represent the love of Christ, the gospel, how motivated is Satan to see that picture destroyed in our lives, in the lives of our children? We have to be vigilant. We have to be informed. And we have to be so full of grace for those moments when we mess up or our kids mess up.
Navigating With Grace and Compassion
Kerry: Yeah. And I think you just said that—I was coughing—grace and patience. Because you're talking about having compassion for these people that are really dealing with issues. And I think sometimes the church gets so, "Oh my goodness, look at them, they have children that are homosexuals or whatever."
And yet we—I mean, no, we don't tolerate—I mean there's a blend between tolerating, but we also need to show grace at times because the compassion of God is what draws people back. The kindness and stuff. Would you have anything to say about sort of where you draw the line? And not that we want to judge people, but we do want to come alongside.
So we've got moms here that want to help with their kids, but then they may have people in their family or in their church or something. What are maybe some practical things that they could do to handle these situations?
Dannah: Well, some practical things are teaching our kids grace. Teaching them a gracious response.
Bob and I, my husband and I, discipled a young man for many years who is non-binary now. Young adult man. And we still will have lunch with him. He doesn't live locally, but when he's coming through, he still wants to visit with us and talk with us.
I got a birthday text from him that said, "You're like my second mom," because we have blessed him with our love and our presence, which is genuine. It's not fake. We adore him. He is easy to talk to, intelligent. We had so many high hopes for how he would—and still do—influence people for Christ.
But we do not—we accept, but we do not affirm. We accept, but we do not affirm.
So he knows—one of the last big conversations we had about his journey into homosexuality and a non-binary lifestyle was very pointed where my husband said, "I believe you've been set apart, and I believe that you have different desires, and that you have to obey the Lord with Romans 12:1 and 2. You need to sacrifice your desires for the purpose of your body glorifying Christ."
And it was a very pointed conversation. And we haven't talked about that since then, but he knows where we stand.
So we're honest, you know. One of the things that's really a challenge right now is the question of pronouns, right? Do we use the pronouns or do we not use the pronouns?
And with this individual, I avoid using pronouns because the pronouns he wants are "they" and "them." I will not do that because God's Word commands me not to lie, and it's not truthful. However, I'm not going to rub salt in a wound of all the struggles that he's walking through.
So I do my best to navigate through just not using either his new name that he wants or the pronouns. He knows that's what I'm doing.
I know another woman who—she did transition for nine years. She had her breasts cut off, she had hormones, she was bearded, she was talking like a guy, she lived as Jake for nine years. Her name was Laura.
Her mom stayed on her knees, stayed in a prodigal prayer group. And when it came to the name—she wanted to be called Jake—her mom said, "I can't call you that, but I know it's going to offend you. Can I call you honey? I'll do that."
And it was a compromise they made together. So you see, accepting but not affirming is a really important line we have to make.
Because this is the question that Rosaria Butterfield asked in a recent book that she's written. I believe the title is Five Lies of Our Post-Christian Culture. But she says, "Is your church, is your home, is your family a safe place for someone to repent of their sin of homosexuality or gender—" I'm not going to call it confusion, but rebellion. Okay?
Because gender confusion, I would say, is probably going back to some of those syndromes I'm talking about, right? You're going to feel some confusion when you're not quite sure how your body is showing up, right?
But gender rebellion, I would say, is what my friend Laura went through. She knew she was a girl, but she wanted to stick it to her mom and stick it to God. And she did for nine years. And then the Lord got a hold of her heart.
But partly, I think the Lord got a hold of her heart because her mom never accepted Jake, never accepted the lie, never used the pronouns. And yet she still loved and accepted the child.
Kerry: Fine line.
Dannah: So good.
The Reality of Dealing With These Issues
Kerry: Yeah, we've got to love. And I, for one, I mean, these aren't just teenagers. You know, I had friends whose kids have transitioned, and the parents, the mom and the dad don't even agree on the pronoun issue, you know. And that's a really hard thing.
What I really like about what you just said is she communicated with her daughter and they talked about it instead of just doing this and then, you know, that child getting angry and then blocking them out of your life kind of thing. And so communication just seems to be vital as well, even if they're going down that path.
Dannah: Yeah, so communication before and after is key. And it's not easy. It's hard. And there'll be tears on both sides and disagreements. But you want to walk through it in such a way that you maintain a place where they know what the truth is and they know where to come when they finally do understand what the truth is.
Kerry: Yeah, I always tell—because I host a prodigal prayer group too—and the two things I'm always like, we can always love and we can always pray. You know, we cannot change them, but we can pray and we can never give up. You know, God's not giving up on us, so we shouldn't be giving up on our kids or other family.
Dannah: Yeah. And you know, when it comes to praying, I find that people that I love that aren't walking with the Lord—they might be offended if I start asking them, "Who do you think Jesus is?" But they're never offended when I say, "How can I pray for you?"
They might define it differently, but it keeps that door open of them knowing, "I care about your spirit. I care about your spiritual life. I care about you." They know that praying is important to me.
And when I just say, "How can I pray for you?" their hearts often just flood open with things that they want prayer for.
How Did We Get Here?
Kerry: That's a really good point too. Okay, let's—how have we talked about all this? How do we get where we are today? Because, you know, like we said, 30 years ago we would have never thought—yeah, you know, there was homosexuality back then, but that was pretty much it. How do we get here?
Dannah: Oh, I think that it's how we got here is, you know, we were an Augustinian worldview. The United States of America had this worldview that was predominantly established by Augustine, St. Augustine of Hippo. He believed that love was the highest good in humanity and that that love should be reflective of the truth of the Bible.
And that really was the worldview of our culture. And that meant that there was one man and one woman marriage.
And then when it really started to break down, honestly, was Freud, who felt that the highest good was sex. He thought that that was the highest need in a human body. And so the conversation started to change as Freud, who did bring us some decent diagnostic tools in terms of understanding and being more aware of our emotions and our mental health—but psychology doesn't do anything, really, if you look at the stats of recovery from psychological methods. Hardly anything outside of Jesus.
I mean, single-digit recovery. In my mind, if I'm having some mental health problems, I don't want to go to a place that can give me a single-digit percentage chance of getting better.
But then enter Alfred Kinsey. Alfred Kinsey came into the scene, and he was a very unwell man emotionally and mentally. And so he was really excited about the things that Freud taught and believed that he could prove that not only was his theory correct—that our highest need was sex—but that most of the sexual things that these prudish Americans thought were, quote-unquote, sinful were actually very normal behavior. Things like homosexuality and even pedophilia.
And he said, "I'm going to prove that those are okay." So he did the Human Sexuality Volume 1 and Volume 2 reports. And his research was really horrific. He hired pedophiles who had been jailed for pedophilia to conduct experiments on children.
And it was really child sexual abuse that was recorded in those volumes. But nobody talked about that. Nobody said who did the research and how did you get it done. At that time, it just became the playbook for the sexual revolution of the '60s.
But they said, "Look, look, we do want sex. We do need sex." And then the sexual revolution—during that time, a virgin in college named Hugh Hefner read those volumes that Kinsey wrote and said—and this is a quote—"I'm going to be Kinsey's pamphleteer."
And as you know, then he went on to create his pamphlet, which was Playboy, normalizing objectifying women. I'm not going to call it anything other than what it is.
And so it was this—it was a lie we all wanted to believe. Not me, not you, but the culture wanted to believe because it justified their sin and their desires instead of controlling them. They could justify those sins and desires.
And I think when we had about a 30-year climb to making gay marriage legal, but that was kind of a floodgate moment. You know, I feel like from the night that the White House was covered in rainbow colors until today, it's just been a floodgate of Sodom and Gomorrah-esque sin.
And whereas it was this slow, steady climb for decades, now it's just a playground.
Signs of Hope and Backlash
Dannah: Now, I am thankful that we're seeing some—I guess what I would call backlash against some of this. In Canada, this year—last year, rather—we saw the first case where a patient who underwent transgender gender reassignment surgery is suing the physician for what happened to her body.
Because she said, "I came to you with a mental health problem, and when I was very mentally unwell, you told me the solution was to cut up my body." And she's suing that doctor.
Tavistock, which is a gender assignment clinic in the UK, has been shut down because so many of the doctors and nurses are saying, "You only saw these patients two or three times before you let them self-diagnose that they were gender-confused and began treating them." And the doctors and nurses said, "That's not okay. We didn't adequately find out if they really did have gender dysphoria. We're just letting them self-assign."
And that's still happening in the United States. But because Canada and the UK are ahead of us, I'm encouraged that we're going to start to see backlash very soon.
So don't stop using the correct pronouns. Don't stop calling girls "she" and "her," and don't stop calling boys "him" and "his." Like, we are not crazy. We just feel crazy because the conversation happening in our culture is a little mad.
But we are going to start to see a backlash in the next five to 10 years.
Kerry: It sounds depressing, but it is encouraging.
Dannah: And our hope is in Jesus, who we know can—always, just like I didn't think the education system could ever get fixed, and then COVID hit. And I was like, "Oh my goodness, look, God can do something when it looks like everything's falling apart."
He can do the same thing with the gender and sexuality issues. And—excuse me—and even our hope isn't even in this world. I just have to say that. Like, more and more, as it gets crazier and crazier, it makes me hungrier for heaven and the new heaven and earth that we will know after Jesus' return.
And for anybody, you know, who maybe you're listening to this and you're the one that cut up your body, you allowed that to happen—you know, when Jesus returns, the new heaven and the new earth, He's going to perfect you and receive you as He created you and fix everything that this world can't fix. And there is such hope in that.
Kerry: That is so good. Thank you so much. And yes, He can. And He redeems ashes to beauty all the time. So amen.
So I know y'all have some resources that I think would be helpful. Could you share a little bit about that?
Resources to Help Families
Dannah: Sure. Well, I mentioned It's Great to Be a Girl and It's Great to Be a Guy. Those are two books that we take parents and kids through an online study on, but you could do it at home. You can do it as part of a homeschool curriculum.
Another book that I have is Lies Girls Believe and A Mom's Guide to Lies Girls Believe. Those go together because I think this extends beyond gender. It's a battle for truth.
And the interesting thing about truth is that we know Jesus said, "I am the way, the truth, and the life." He was truth. So this whole conversation is an assault on Him.
And so that book, and Lies Young Women Believe, introduced teen girls and tween girls to really studying: What is truth? What does it mean? And how do I figure out when I'm believing a lie? And what God's Word says about it, and what is true?
So I would say those are really important books. We're working on Lies Young Men Believe, but we also—my friend Aaron Davis just wrote Lies Boys Believe. So good tools.
We've had lots of friends tell us they've used them as homeschool curriculum. And I would love to see you explore them. They are great. They really are.
Kerry: I have—well, I've done Lies Women Believe. And then I will say, too, for those of you—this probably doesn't pertain to a lot of you—but they have them in Spanish. I used to work in El Salvador and go down there once a month and work with a school down there. And we started with Lies Women Believe, but they had a teen girl Bible study, so then they did the Lies Young Women Believe.
I don't know if they've done the girl, but when I was looking at your site, I was like, "Oh, they have Spanish books too." So if y'all are in another country, just know that there are resources for you there as well.
Dannah: So wonderful.
Closing Encouragement
Kerry: Well, as we close, is there anything you would like to say just in closing?
Dannah: Just I think it's so important right now that we are just so deeply in love with Jesus. It's one thing to know all these things in our head, right? But until it gets here...
The reason we have prodigals prodigalizing and the reason we have deconstructors deconstructing is because there was a lot here, but we didn't quite maybe get it here. And so what I'm learning is that I can't push it here in the kids I'm teaching, but I can do what I need to do to sit at the feet of Jesus and minister to Him in worship, in prayer, and opening the Word.
I don't want to just know the facts of what I read in my Bible this morning. I want to know that I had an encounter with Jesus.
So my prayer for you is not just that you would know the facts about all these hard conversations that we're having to have right now, but that more than anything else, you would be so in love with Jesus that your heart beats to reflect His image.
And so I pray that for you, and I pray that for your children too.
Kerry: Oh, thank you so much. I really appreciate it. Thanks for just taking a little time out of your day to be with us. I really appreciate it.
Dannah: Oh, it was so good to be here, Kerry. Thank you. God bless you. I pray that you're so blessed by this conference.
Kerry: Very good. Well, I am Kerry Beck with Life Skills Leadership Summit. We'll talk to you next time.

Tired of the lies playing on repeat in your mind? Feeling like a fraud, rejected, or not good enough—even when you're managing everything? In this vulnerable episode, we're exploring how to speak the truth over yourself and your children, exchanging lies for God's identity and calling for your life.
Kerry shares her deeply personal story of walking through rejection and discovering that speaking the truth out loud daily—not just thinking it—is what transforms your mind and breaks the power of lies.
What you’ll learn in this episode:
✅Why we must speak the truth out loud (not just think positive thoughts) to renew our minds
✅The white stone with a new name in Revelation 2:17 and what it means for your identity
✅The two questions that replace "Why, God?" and actually move you forward
✅Kerry's story: learning to speak the truth as a warrior on her knees after 31 years of marriage ended
✅How to help your kids speak the truth over the lies they believe about themselves
Ready to start your identity exchange?
Download the FREE Biblical Truths Printable mentioned in this episode—sample truths Kerry speaks over herself daily plus a blank page for your own.
Grab your copy of Jamie Winship's book Living Fearless!
Podcast: Stop Negative Thinking for You & Your Kids
Show Notes:
Hey everyone, Kerry Beck here with Homeschool Coffee Break, where we help you stop the overwhelm so you can actually take a coffee break.
We talked last week about lies in our head and lies that our kids believe. This week, we're going to get to the hopeful part. That may have been a little depressing. We're going to get to the hopeful part. We're going to come talk to God about what our identity is in Him, what His calling is for us, and how we can replace those lies.
Jamie Winship calls it identity exchange. We are going to exchange those lies for truth.
Learning from Living Fearless
What I'm sharing are things that I have learned from a man named Jamie Winship. He's written a book called Living Fearless. You can get the link to it in the show notes, and I highly recommend it. A few years ago, I bought a copy for every one of my children, and for my parents and my sister as well, because it had such a huge impact on us.
We're going to talk today about how God actually gives you a new name, a true identity, and how to listen for it, how to find out what it is. We're going to start with Revelation 2. This is where Jesus is writing to the different churches, and he's written to a church called Pergamum. He says, you have remained true to my name, to God's name. You did not renounce your faith in me. And that was a good thing.
But at the end of his letter, he has this to say in Revelation 2:17: Anyone with ears to hear must listen to the Spirit and understand what He is saying to the churches. To everyone who is victorious, I will give some of the manna that has been hidden away up in heaven. I will give to each of you a white stone, and on the stone will be engraved a new name that no one understands, except the one who receives it.
You may be going, what is this white stone he's talking about? And how do we get a new name? Because that new name has something to do with your identity. Well, in ancient Greece, the jury members would give a white stone if they were going to acquit the man. They would give a black stone if the defendant was guilty. In ancient Rome, they had a custom of awarding white stones to the winner of athletic events, and their name was written on that stone.
We want to talk about that new name, because we walk in newness of life. We walk in a new covenant. We're going to put away our sins. We're going to leave our past in the past, and we are going to walk in newness of life. That's what I want for you, Mom. That's what I want for your children as well.
Can You Really Hear from God?
If you've ever wondered, can I really hear God about my identity? How do I know? Sometimes we don't truly believe God and what He is saying. We say He can do the impossible, but we don't really think it for us.
Let me share a couple stories that Jamie Winship shares. He met a man in Washington, D.C. who had been working with Congress, and this man comes up to him, like a bodybuilder, very well-built, very healthy. And he says, how can I know if I can really hear from God? And he said, well, you can come with me to a mission, because Jamie Winship had worked with the CIA over in the Middle East for decades, and he was now helping Congress with some things about working with conflict.
He and this Jason Bourne dude and a Navy guy, they all got dropped off in Northern Africa, pitch dark. They get there, they're staying in tents, their host would fix their meals, and they would fix 4 plates. And the Jason Bourne guy would go, why is there someone else? Why do they keep fixing 4? There's only three of us.
Eventually, after a few days, he says, well, go ask them. Since this guy could speak that language, he says, why do you have four plates? Well, it's for your security detail. He's like, what are you talking about? Well, long story short, they're like, the guy that's guarding y'all outside. And he's like, what does he look like? He's the big, bulky guy that's protecting you. And what is he? He has a sword.
Come to find out, they could see this angel of God that was protecting Jamie and this Jason Bourne guy and the other guy from enemy attack, and he had a sword. Muslims believe in visions like that. They believe these things. They believe you can hear from the gods. And they could see this angel, even though Jamie and Jason Bourne person couldn't.
But when he heard that, Jason Bourne is like, okay, how do I hear God? I want to know. How do I hear God? And basically, Jamie says, what about your situation? He's like, why can't we have kids? And he says, you're asking the wrong question. And for some of you, you're asking the wrong question when it comes to the problems in your life, your identity. You're saying, why, why, why? That is the wrong question.
Here are the two questions that Jamie suggests. We need to say, God, what do you want me to know, God? What do you want me to do? And that was a question that I actually wrestled with. This morning, again, on my walk, I was gonna go right into prayer. I'm like, no, I need to listen to God.
A lot of believers, we all believe, yes, God's powerful, we've seen Him do miracles, all this stuff, but we don't really believe that we can hear from God. And if we don't believe that, we believe in a weak God. I do believe that I can hear from God. We believe in a God that can do it for everyone else, but not for us. Or that He will do miracles, but I don't know about for us.
Well, that is not total faith. Total faith is believing that God can do miracles. And we need to let God tell us what He is doing, instead of our past dictating what we do. Instead of our failures dictating what we do. Instead of our fears. Do you have fears about homeschooling? Or raising kids? You see, this is what leads to bad identity, to the lies that we talked about.
But when you live from what God says you are, you are going to become more creative, more resilient, you're going to have more peace, even in the hard circumstances. I am a product of that as well. You see, you may be great at multitasking, teaching, managing your home, but you still feel like a fraud.
Identity Exchange is going to God and letting him rename you. Like that white stone with a new name.
The Story of Hamza
There was a young man in the Middle East that Jamie ran across. I actually shared this story at Homeschool Superheroes about 3 or 4 years ago, and in the chat, people are like, is this for real? Is this a real story? Is she really telling the truth? And yes, it is real, and you can read about it or listen to it when Jamie tells that story. But there was a man named Hamza.
He had found a Bible at a hotel, and somehow he connected with Jamie, and he's like, who is this man? And they go, well, do you want to hear from him? Or do you want us to tell you about him? I want to hear from him, talking about Jesus, because he had read parts of the New Testament.
They got together, and they didn't tell him what they knew about Jesus. They were like, we're gonna let God speak. And what they did was they prayed and said, okay, God, Hamza really wants to hear from you. Would you please speak your truth to Him and let him hear that?
Would that be a scary prayer? In the United States, we don't pray that. You know why? We're afraid God's not going to show up. We're afraid God's not going to show up for me, for our friends, for our own children. We're afraid he's not going to speak.
Well, they weren't afraid, and God has shown up over and over. I've heard many stories that He has shared of Him speaking, and Hamza heard, and he began to grow in his new identity in Jesus Christ. He has walked through so many hardships. His family tried to kill him several times, like, throw him off a cliff, shoot him with a gun, and somehow he's made it through all of this because he walks in his identity of Christ, and what God spoke to him.
His hardships and fear began to change as he learned to listen to God's voice and receive that new identity of who He is in Christ Jesus. This has opened doors to things he would never imagine, and it can be the same with you in your homeschool. If God can reach a young man, a Muslim man, being killed by his family because he has faith in Jesus, and even more dangerous situations, he can speak to you, tired homeschool mom, in your minivan, or at the kitchen table.
My Story of Identity Exchange
I know from experience that God has spoken to me. I don't know how many of you know my story, but about nine and a half years ago, my husband left. We'd been married for 31 years. I'd be a very rich person if I had money from all my friends that looked at me and went, you and Steve? No, that's not true. Because they'd seen a marriage that seemed to be working.
But I felt, when I found out he was leaving, totally rejected. I'd never felt depression before. I felt hopeless. And I could have walked in those lies. I probably did for a while. My friend says, Kerry, you were walking in PTSD for a few years. That's probably true.
But I began praying for him all the time. I pray for him every single day. Sometimes it's a quick prayer, sometimes it's prayers of tears, but it is a prayer for his soul. His soul needs to go back to accepting the redemption that He has through Jesus Christ. I also pray for reconciliation for our marriage and our family. And there are people that are like, just get over it and move on, and go find someone else. No.
I made a covenant with God, a three-way covenant. Not a contract, where if he does something wrong, it's broken, go off and do whatever. A covenant. God's never broken His covenant with Israel. He's remained faithful, even through discipline. And I decided that is what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna remain faithful to our covenant. God and I are still waiting for Steve's return.
The question isn't why, God? Why is this happening? It's, God, what do you want me to know? What do you want me to do about this? And then let God work in and through me through the Holy Spirit. You see, I need to focus on me growing with God, and I'll let God deal with Steve. I believe He is faithful to the promises He's made, Steve and me. God says, I will never leave you or abandon you. I will work on you until the day of Christ Jesus.
Over time, I've learned who I am. What is my identity? And it's not the same as for you, but I will share mine. I believe I'm a warrior, a warrior on her knees, a teacher. A teacher of women and kids, both online and in person. An encourager. I never wanted to be a counselor. That's the thing I ever wanted to do. But God has used me to counsel kids and women. And I've pressed into that. And I'm a networker. I'm an organizer networker, trying to pull people together, trying to get things, not programs, but relationships. That's where it's all about, a networker of relationships.
You need to know your identity comes first, and then the outcome. I am a prayer warrior for Steve and for our family on my knees pretty every day. Again, sometimes there are quick prayers, but a lot of times, when I go for a walk, that's my prayer time. When I sit at the kitchen table, that's my prayer and Bible time. That is who God made me, a warrior of people's souls. A warrior that fights and contends for people's souls, starting with my own marriage and husband, and family, kids, and grandkids.
We haven't seen reconciliation, but I know God is good, I know God loves Steve, and He is still working, and I totally believe that He is reconciling our marriage. In the middle of my pain, it wasn't why God. Well, yeah, I had asked that, honestly. Why is this happening to me? It's not supposed to be like this.
But I have learned it's more important for me to keep my eyes upward and my faith in Jesus. Because this world is passing away, and there is nothing that I need to do. I need to change my identity and not believe the lies that I was a terrible wife or a terrible mom. I've been rejected multiple times since Steve left by him, neighbors, church, family members, and it hurts.
But I keep going back to God, because He's the one that's going to move me forward. I can't change people. I can just deal with myself. And He will meet me in the messiness of my broken marriage, my sleeping marriage, my destroyed marriage. He will meet you in your homeschool. He will meet you in your family, in your home, in your marriage, and in your heart.
Simple Steps to Get Unstuck
There are two key questions you need to be asking yourself. Not why, although you can ask why. I'm not expecting to, well, I do, I'll be honest, the reason why is so I would trust Him, and I would grow closer to Him. I would never wish my life on anyone. But I wouldn't trade it for anything. Because I am closer to God than I have ever been.
So, God, what do you want me to do about this situation, your situation? God, what do you want me to know, and then what do you want me to do?
Your child melts down over math. The old question is, why is this always happening? What is wrong with us? The new question is, God, what do you want me to know about my child? What do you want me to do? Comfort? Pause, change the approach, stop doing math. I did that for a whole year, actually, when I had a child that wasn't doing well with math, and had a bad attitude about it.
Maybe skip it first. You're a gentle shepherd, not a drill sergeant. Then speak that truth out loud. Start acting as a gentle shepherd and not that frazzled failure. Just like I did.
What I want you to do is I want you to look at the lies, pick one, and write a truth, hopefully a Bible verse that will go along with that truth. And then once you've wrestled through this, work with each of your children. What is the lie they are believing? I can't do it. I'm not smart enough. I need this, or I need that. I don't want this, I don't want that. Blaming people, whatever the lie is.
Do it with your kids as well, and write a truth down, and say it out loud. Here are the simple steps so that you can get unstuck with the lies that you're believing. Number one, name one lie. That was last week's episode. Ask the two questions. What, God, do you want me to know about this? What do you want me to do about this?
Then, I want you to find a truth and write it down, and put it somewhere that you're going to see it every single day. Kitchen sink, I have some in the bathroom window, I actually have some in the kitchen sink, I have some in my car. So I have different truths that I will see at different times of my day. And then I want you to say it aloud every single day.
Do this with your kids, maybe at the breakfast table. They read out loud that Bible verse or that truth about themselves, maybe at their desk, if they have a desk, and they are going to read that out loud as well, before they get started on their homeschool.
Speak the Truth Over Your Life
If you want more ideas, you can get Jamie's book, Living Fearless, that'll be in the show notes. If you want these free things here that I have, I'm going to read these in a second, then you can get those, the link is in the show notes as well. It's just a printable, and there is a page for you to write your own truth. You don't need mine, but mine can be just sort of a sample.
And I'll close with this. Like Jesus, I am chosen by God to be holy. I am chosen by God for great honor. I trust in Jesus, therefore I am not put to shame. God loves me and always takes care of me.
I am precious to God, because He bought me with Jesus' blood. I am a daughter of the king, a princess. I live in the light shining for Jesus all day long. I control my thoughts, my words, my food, my drink.
I receive God's mercy and grace, so I give grace, mercy, and forgiveness to others. I lead my case in the hands of God, who always judges fairly. I speak with words. I speak with pure and reverent behavior, and with a gentle and quiet spirit. I wait quietly on God.
Some things I have to really work on, and when I'm really struggling with a lie at that time, I may just pull that one out and say it every day, sometimes multiple times. I am patient. I am kind. I always forgive. I forget offenses against me. And some of you are like, I can't forget that. Well, you know what? If I have the Holy Spirit inside of me, I have the power that God has inside of me, and I can overcome, and God can take those thoughts away. He takes other thoughts away that I forget. Surely He can take those offenses, and I forget them.
The Holy Spirit renews my mind and attitudes every day. God never leaves me, never abandons me, never fails me. I listen well. I trust in God to fight my battles. He wins my battles.
Thanks for spending time with me. If any of this hits home, please share this with just one friend, maybe another homeschool mom, that this might encourage. That would mean the world to me. I'm Kerry Beck with Homeschool Coffee Break. We'll talk to you next time.

Feeling like you're falling behind or failing your kids? The biggest problem in your homeschool isn't the curriculum or the schedule—it's the lies you quietly believe about yourself. In this episode, we're exploring identity exchange: getting rid of the lies in your head and walking in the calling God's given you.
Kerry shares lessons from Jamie Winship's "Living Fearless" and the story of David—who learned his identity as warrior, musician, poet, and king while watching sheep in obscurity, just like God is forming your identity in the ordinary moments of homeschooling.
What you’ll learn in this episode:
✅Why identity exchange matters: the lies ("I'm not organized enough," "my kids need a real teacher") shape everything you do
✅What David's story teaches us about learning our calling in ordinary, obscure seasons
✅How the enemy attacks Christian homeschool families with little deceptions, not big temptations
✅Why "always" and "never" statements are lies (only God always does something right!)
✅Your homework: Ask God "What lie am I believing?" and write it down (we'll work on truth next week)
Ready to start your identity exchange?
Download the FREE Biblical Truths Printable mentioned in this episode—sample truths Kerry speaks over herself daily plus a blank page for your own.
Grab your copy of Jamie Winship's book Living Fearless!
Podcast: Stop Negative Thinking for You & Your Kids
Well, hello everyone, this is Kerry Beck with Homeschool Coffee Break, where we help you stop the overwhelm so you can actually take a coffee break from your homeschool, your home, your family. Every once in a while, we need a break, and we need to refresh ourselves.
This episode is being published at the very beginning of 2026, and so this morning, I actually was listening to some podcasts. I had heard some of these stories before, I'd read the book, and I was like, this is what I need to share with my moms, because I believe this is a great way to kick off the new year.
Because I don't know about you, but I have a feeling that y'all are feeling a little overwhelmed and stressed out. You feel like you're falling behind, or you're failing your kids. And what we need to realize is the biggest problem in your homeschool, your family, is not the curriculum, is not the schedule, but it is the lies that you quietly believe in your head. You believe them about yourself, as a mom, as a homeschool mom.
Learning About Identity Exchange
What I want to do today is it's going to be at least a two-part series. We're going to talk a little bit about how we can get rid of those lies, and we can walk in the calling that God's given us. And this really will affect your homeschool. It truly will.
I want you to know that what I am sharing today comes from things that I have learned from a man named Jamie Winship. He wrote a book, Living Fearless, and it is Living Fearless, Exchanging the Lies of the World for the Liberating Truth of God. You can get a link to it in the show notes below. When I went on my prayer walk this morning, I really thought through some of these ideas all over again. What is my identity? Let's exchange the lies in my head for my true identity, my true calling from God.
If the things I share today are helpful, I would love for you to share this with one person.
The Lies We Believe
Let's talk about this for a second. When you're in the midst of homeschooling, you're rushing around, you're doing your math, and you're switching the laundry from the washer to the dryer, you're snapping at your kids, and then at night you're lying on your bed going, I'm ruining them. I'm not cut out for this.
But let's be honest, that is not the truth. And you're not the only one that's ever thought that. Because a lot of Christian moms keep that reel in their head, the little script in their head. I'm not organized enough to homeschool. My kids would be better off with a real teacher. I'm just so inconsistent, I can't even hear God clearly.
Well, those are lies in your head, and they shape the way you walk through your day. How you plan your day, or you avoid planning at all. Some of you Type A people got that checklist, those lies are affecting that checklist. Or, I don't know what it is, type B, C, or Z, one of them, you just don't even plan at all, because you're just avoiding it.
Those lies affect the way that you react to your kids when they are struggling. When you invite God into your lessons, or you just push through. Which one are you?
I believe the lessons that I've learned from Jamie Winship about my identity, and about the false identities, the lies, like, I'm a failure, I feel shame, I am inadequate. They keep us stuck. And we can't really hear from God when He is speaking a new name to us.
You know, Revelation 2:17 talks about, if we walk victoriously, God is going to give us a white stone and a new name. I'm going to talk about that in the next episode. But we need to be able to hear that new name.
David's Identity in the Fields
We're going to go to the Bible, and we're going to talk about a young man named David. I'm sure you've all heard it or sung the song, Only a Boy Named David. The reason he could kill Goliath is he had been preparing. He was walking in his identity.
You know, when they came to find the future king, his dad had even forgotten about him, that he even had that son who was out watching the sheep. How would you feel if your parents forgot you? And I don't think most of you... some of you probably had some rough childhoods, but David overcame.
You see, David was called. He was called to be a warrior, a musician, a poet and a king. Where did he learn those things? He learned them when he was watching the sheep from ages 10 to 13, during those middle school years. He wasn't in a palace classroom. He was learning his identity on the field, just like your kids should be learning. Yes, even in middle school, your kids can be learning what their identity is.
So today, I'm going to talk to you, Mom, and then we're going to close out by talking about what you can do with your kids as well. You see, David was a warrior. There were lions and bears that were wanting to eat these sheep, and David had to protect the flock with a slingshot, and he already had practice before he ever got on the battlefield.
He was a poet. He was a musician, he was writing songs to God, practicing worshiping God all alone on those hills of the sheep and the shepherd, watching them. He was a future king. He was learning leadership lessons in total obscurity, because he was faithful in the small things. God could put him in charge of bigger things as he grew into an adult.
Your Ordinary Season Prepares You
It's the same with you. God can use your ordinary season to prepare you for your calling. He did that with David. His ordinary life as a shepherd prepared him to be a king.
It's forming your kids' identity in your living room, at your kitchen table, in their bedroom. It's the small homeschool moments. Those are training grounds for your kids' future calling, and they are current trainings for your calling right now, as a Christian mom, as a homeschool mom as well.
You see, I know we have some homeschool moms, and it may be you. We could just call you Sarah. And you're constantly thinking, I'm not patient like all the other moms. I yell too much at my kids. My kids are only going to remember my anger. I had a fear my kids were going to remember the back of my head facing the computer, because I would work in the afternoons.
And that was not true, because I know they have some good memories of things that we did growing up. And you may be feeling, oh, my kids are just gonna think all I'm doing is yelling at them. And then all of a sudden, someday during your history lesson or your math lesson, your son says, hey, mom, I really like how you always make learning fun, even when you're stressed out.
And all of a sudden, you're in shock, because that internal lie up here in your head is a lie. And you are being too harsh on yourself. You are thinking you are a failure, when that's not true. You know, I think about it, because we did do fun things, and yet I felt like there were times I was snapping at my kids. And hopefully, they are going to remember the good things, the things that you are truly, who you truly are, because you're walking in your calling.
Two Voices in Your Head
You have two voices in your head, just like Sarah, the homeschool mom. It's the lie that we are permanently angry, we are failing our kids, and the other side is the truth. Where her son actually spoke truth to her, because she was a mom who cared enough to just keep showing up, even on the hard days.
And I believe that's who you are. You are a mom who keeps showing up, even on the hard days. Just like David's real identity was known by God in the fields. Sarah's real identity as a loving, persevering homeschool mom was visible to God, even while she believed the lies.
So we have got to get rid of these lies, and we're going to talk about that right now. Because, let's see, things that you're like, I always do this, or never... always and never statements. I learned that from my husband, Steve. He was like, do not say, I always do this, or I never do that. Because that's just not true. Only person that always does something is God. Only person that never does something wrong is God.
You may have shamed things from childhood, or accusing thoughts that you're accusing... you're hopeless. Let's take those away, and let's go to God's voice, because that is the enemy talking. And we are fighting a battle, and if you are homeschooling, and you are a Christian family, that target is on your front. You are in full frontal assault. The enemy is attacking you, and he is telling you lies every single day.
They don't come like, oh, don't believe in God. They come in little bitty deceptions like, I'm not doing enough. I'm failing my kids. I need to be more like someone else. Well, God didn't make you to be someone else. He made you to be you.
God's voice is specific, it is loving, and it can be convicting, but also hopeful. So I want to encourage you to ask the Holy Spirit today, what is one lie that I am believing, and that I could take out of here and get rid of some of that overwhelm and some of the stress?
Help Your Kids with Identity Exchange Too
It's the same with teenagers. Maybe you have a teenager who struggles with reading and says, I am just stupid. I'll never get this. Well, that's a lie. And that's what the enemy wants her to believe. And you as a mom, you may feel that sting, because you may have struggled with that same vibe when you were a teenager. Maybe you're still struggling with it, you know?
And we need to remind our kids, hey. David walked in truth. He could fight Goliath, because he practiced when he was a middle schooler or a teenager. And you, as mom, can prompt her and say, reading is your lion and your bear that you are about to kill, and we are going to overcome it, because God gives us the truth, and He gives us everything we need.
And He will give you the ability to be able to read and move forward in the things that He's called you to do. I read this one story where they said, okay, write, I am stupid on a paper, and then scratch it out, and let's write the truth. I am God's daughter, learning to be brave like David. And then tape that truth on the wall and say it every single day.
Speaking Truth Out Loud
You know, there was a time when I was driving home from the Gentrys, who live about 3 hours away, and we'd had a party, and things were going on in my head, and I eventually just left. I was coming home anyway, but that enemy was lying in my head. I had all this rejection, not from Gentry, but from things that had gone on, and I'll share that story more next week. But I had these lies in my head that I needed to get rid of. And I had to replace them with truth.
And so, what did I do? When I got home, either that night or that next morning, I wrote these truths down. I have since actually written a printable, and I'm going to read them to you, because this is the goal. You are going to... your homework is to name a lie and write it down so we know what it is, and then we're going to write a truth about that, and then we're going to say that truth over and over.
And I said these out loud for months, I wouldn't say years. I still will pull them out and read them, and I want to read them to you, and every single one comes from a deception from the enemy.
Like Jesus, I am chosen by God to be holy. And let me just say, saying it out loud is good. It gets into our brain waves, and it changes the way we think. Did you know your brain grows and grows new synapses every single night? And so we need to retrain the way our brain thinks.
And so these are some things that I wrote down and said out loud so I could get rid of those lies and speak the truth to myself. Like Jesus, I am chosen by God to be holy. I am chosen by God for great honor. I trust in Jesus. Therefore, I am not put to shame. God loves me, and always takes care of me.
I am precious to God because He bought me with His Son's blood. I am a daughter of the king, a princess. I live in the light, shining for Jesus all day long. I control my thoughts, my words, my food, my drink.
I receive God's mercy and grace, so I give grace, mercy, and forgiveness to others. I leave my case in the hands of God, who always judges fairly. I speak with words. I speak with pure and reverent behavior in a quiet and gentle spirit. And I wait quietly on God. Now, that's a hard one. Especially when you've been waiting for something for years, and not like, oh, I'm waiting for a house or a car, waiting for people's souls to turn back to God.
I am patient. I am kind. I always forgive. I forget offenses against me. The Holy Spirit renews my mind and attitudes every day. God never leaves me, never abandons me, never fails me. I listen well. I trust in God to fight my battles. He wins my battles.
We're going to talk a little bit more about getting to those truths next week, but if you would like a copy of these along with a blank page where you fill in your own truths, and we'll have these next week, you can look in the show notes, and there will be a link to those, completely free for you.
Your Homework This Week
So, I want you to take a deep breath. If you can, close your eyes. If you're driving, do not close your eyes. And I want you to ask, Jesus, what lie am I believing about myself as a mom? Don't filter, just notice whatever comes.
God already knows it, so don't try hiding your bad thoughts about yourself. He knows what you believe. He knows what I believe. So just put it out there and be honest with yourself. That is called confession, where you truly not... I'm sorry for this, God. Confession is truly admitting the lie that you are believing.
And I would say write it down this week, and you might write a few things down. God already knows you're not surprising Him. Confess it means you are agreeing with Him that it's not from Him, that it's a lie. And then next week, we're gonna just start with one of those lies.
So, spend this week asking God, what lies do I believe? And then I want you to do this with your kids after you have already experienced this, and listened to God. And do it with your kids, and if you're not sure, pray with them, especially any kid that's 10 and up, even 8 and up, probably.
They are probably thinking there are some lies, and you may even know what they are. You might be able to point them in direction, or you might let them pray and let God truly speak to them. So they can begin hearing the voice of God. We're going to talk a lot about the voice of God next week.
That's all it is. We're not gonna worry about the truth, we're just gonna worry about the lies that we believe. We're gonna be truthful to ourselves. Brutally truthful, and then we're going to move forward.
If you want more help, I would encourage you to get Jamie Winship's book, Living Fearless. There's a link in the show notes to that as well. He will take you even deeper than what I am sharing in these two episodes. You can also get my free biblical truths, daily truths, and I would encourage you, we'll start talking about that, speaking them out loud every single day.
Thanks for spending time with me. If any of this hits home, please share this with just one friend, maybe another homeschool mom, that this might encourage. That would mean the world to me. I'm Kerry Beck with Homeschool Coffee Break. We'll talk to you next time.

Teaching manners isn’t about rules and rigidity—it’s about showing love, kindness, and respect to the people around us. In this conversation with Monica Irvine from The Etiquette Factory, we unpack simple and practical strategies for teaching manners in a way that sticks. You’ll discover why manners are more than table rules and how they shape your children’s character for life.
If you’ve ever wondered how to teach manners without constant correction, this episode is full of practical stories, heart-tugging lessons, and family habits that make character training simple. Monica shares easy-to-implement tips to help kids feel valued, develop respect for others, and build lifelong relationship skills.
What you’ll learn in this episode:
✅Why teaching manners is really about loving others
✅The key mistake parents make with etiquette
✅How to create “soft heart” moments for better learning
✅Practical lessons your family can start using week
✅How manners build humility, confidence, and strong relationships
Monica Irvine is the President of The Etiquette Factory and co-Founder of Fundamentals4Kids. As a renowned national speaker and published author of over 20 books, Mrs Irvine delights in her passion for helping children and adults reach their full potential. Mrs Irvine is a retired homeschool mom who now enjoys the fruits of her labors watching her children raise her most loved grandchildren.
Follow Monica Irvine and The Etiquette Factory on Facebook
Recommended Resources:
Character Training Tool Kit
Character Development Without the Drama
Character Building in 3 Steps
Show Notes:
What It Really Means to Have Manners
Kerry: Well, let's talk about etiquette and manners. Could you tell our listeners just a little bit, maybe why is this so important? Especially in today's culture? And how does this go beyond just saying, please and thank you. I mean, please, and thank you are important, but that's just a little small part of it. So tell us why and what, how it goes beyond that.
Monica: I know sometimes over the years I've told my husband I should have named the company something besides the etiquette factory, because I'll be at a convention and I can always see people's reaction. They look up and they read the sign, and I can read their brain often where they're going. Oh, that's great and all. But we've got more important things to worry about than what fork to eat your salad with and to me I know why it's so much more than that.
Let me first give you the definition that we use for etiquette at the etiquette factory, and that is etiquette which manners and etiquette, chivalry all mean the same thing. Etiquette is helping those around us to feel valued, and comfortable.
George Washington's Rules Changed Everything
Monica: Years ago I was homeschooling our kids, and we were studying the life of President George Washington. And what a fascinating life that man had! And as we were doing that I stumbled upon George Washington's rules of civility and decent behavior. Many of you have read a couple of those, if not just Google that. And you will see this list of 110 chivalry skills that, according to President Washington's journal, he put to memory at the age of 13 he actually copied these 110 chivalry rules out of a French book.
As I started reading these rules, I just, I can just tell you the spirit penetrated my heart, and being the mom of 3 boys. I was like, Wow, you know, my boys, could benefit from knowing some of these? Of course, manners was always important to me. and so I said, You know, let's start trying to memorize one of these a week and kind of having a manners thing each week.
We started memorizing these chivalry skills, and something happened. I started noticing a change in behavior. and it fascinated me because I was like, what's what's changed. I mean, I've always told my boys to have good manners. I've always taught them.
The Problem with Teaching "In the Moment"
Monica: I think a light bulb moment happened when it dawned on me that usually 98% of the time when I was trying to teach my children manners was in the moment of correcting, like my one of my kids would say or do something that wasn't the most polite, and I would be oh, honey, no, baby, you can't say that, that's not polite. And then I would go on to tell them why.
When all of a sudden I shifted to start having a daily manners lesson during the school day, when my heart was softer. My children's hearts were softer because they weren't being fussed at. and we just had a discussion about well, how do we use our napkin correctly? Or how do you make an apology sound sincere. All of a sudden my boys would be like, Mom, let's do another one. What's the next one? Let's go ahead and talk about the next one. and it literally is what changed everything.
Why Manners Really Matter
Monica: Most people think of manners when they think of table manners right and usually family sit around the table, and for parents that manners are important to them. Their table sounds like this. Could you, too, with your mouth closed, honey, sit still in your chair, stop stop making that noise. Get your elbow off the table, and it's just this constant correcting.
But when I teach kids the definition of manners and I use an example like this, I'm like, okay. So if I came over and had dinner with you all your family tonight. and I sat down and I started eating like a pig. I mean, y'all, I'm chewing with my mouth open. I am making some weird noise with my tongue, or I eat so fast that I'm finished getting up and leaving the table. When you're on your 3rd bite any of those behaviors, I would be sending your family a message, and that message would be, look, I'm here for one person, one person only, and that's myself.
You see, the lack of manners is called selfishness. Manners is just trying to get me and you and all of us to look outward to pay attention to how our behavior or lack thereof, is causing other people around us to feel.
Teaching Children to Feel Others' Emotions
Kerry: I love the idea of being valued and being comfortable around someone. So I know this includes things like kindness and respect. Can you give us some ideas on how moms could either do that? Or my other thought was, how do they go from just learning the rules to actually internalizing some of that.
Monica: For me, and the way we go about teaching children is we try to actually tug on their heartstring a little bit what I mean by that is, usually it's when it's when our emotions are hit that we change our behavior.
So, for instance, let's say that our child has a habit of leaving their dirty clothes and wet towel on the bathroom floor, and most of us would handle it this way. Get your towel off the floor. Come, get your clothes. and usually it's in frustration right?
Well, all of a sudden, when you sit down with your kids and say, let's let's talk about, for instance, the way we leave the bathroom for the next person that uses it. If if I go into the restroom and I make a mess. However that happens, whether it's my dirty clothes, my wet towel, I leave the sink full of spit and toothpaste, or I don't have the commode, you know, nice and tidy. Do you want? Do you want to come in after me?
The Power of Standing to Show Honor
Monica: So let me give you. I'll give you all a lesson. One of our lessons. So one of our lessons is the stand up lesson. So if if we were at an event and someone brought in the American flag, what would we all do? You know we stand up, and why do we stand up? Well, we we stand up because of the honor and respect that we have for what that flag represents.
The same thing happens in our home. So the etiquette skill is that today, still, in the 21st century, it is polite for children to stand for adults and for gentlemen to stand for ladies. I use the word honor a lot because I want to raise and wanted to raise honorable children. What does it mean to be honorable? Well to be honorable. You have to do some honorable things and honorable things. Always 100% of the time require some level of sacrifice. That's what makes them honorable when you give of yourself in order to bless help someone else.
So how would this look in our home? Our families still eat at the table at least 3 or 4 times a week. But so Mom or Dad might say, Hey, family, it's time for dinner. and so our family would come to the table, and all of us would stand behind our chair until the person we're honoring sits down. Typically, I would suggest that that person first be mom. So Mom is the first person that sits down or the cook.
We're Creating Entitled Children
Monica: The last time you and your family had a big gathering, maybe 4th of July, who were actually the first people that had their plates prepared. 98% of you are, gonna say, the kids. because see? At some point our society decided that was easier. Oh, yeah. So we got to get the kids, get their plates, get their drink, make sure they have everything they need. And we think if we get the kids situated, then us adults can go over here and eat peacefully, because we're not being bothered by the needs of our children.
And then we're the same adults that want to walk around this earth complaining about the entitled generation. And I'm like parents. So you're gonna let your children have their plates fixed before their grandmother. Are you crazy? We've got to stop it because I believe that this behavior is hurting our children.
Simple Ways to Practice Valuing Others
Monica: When I'm teaching children and families how to help their children to greet people and introduce themselves. It's not just that we're supposed to introduce ourselves. It's just that greeting people is another way to help people to feel valued.
For instance, the last time you and the children went through the Walmart checkout line. What were what were our children doing? Were they obsessing over the candy, mom, can I have this? Can I have this. Were we on our phone scrolling through social media while we're waiting, we're all getting tricked by the enemy into this self absorption.
Whereas if I teach my kids how to value others right before we go through the groceries checkout line, I'm going to say, Hey, kids, what are we about to do check out, mom, what does that mean? We're going to help the cashier feel valued. That's right. And so then my children all know to say, Hello, how are you doing today? Oh, good afternoon! What's your name?
Kerry: That's so good, you know, in the middle of what you were saying. But while back the word humility just kept coming up to my mind, and the idea of Philippians. 2. Where Jesus is the perfect example of humility and giving of himself. So I really appreciate you bringing this down to the gospel, and it really is sacrifice, and that there's benefits for all of us when we sacrifice.
Resources and Encouragement
Monica: So the etiquettefactory.com. We've got some wonderful programs. This is our preschool through 3rd grade course, called fundamentals for kids. With little kids, we find that they need to play a game. They need to sing about it, hear a story. Make a craft. And that's what fundamentals for kids is. It's twice a week you pull something out of the box and we help you have a conversation with your kids.
And then the life skills for you is for 4th, 5th grade all the way through, seniors. In fact, it can count as a half a credit for our high school. We actually show videos of teenagers doing the skills the wrong way and the right way.
Monica: Oh, just you know, if I could go back in time and tell my new homeschool mom self, give myself any advice. It would be relax. Relax. You know, if if we all sent our kids to public school. There would be some gaps in their education when they graduated. and if we sent them to private school there would be some gaps in their education. and as we homeschool when they graduate. there's going to be some gaps. But it doesn't matter about the gaps. What matters is that every day we try to help our children learn to love, to learn. and that's all that matters.
In all the years that we homeschooled, y'all, we never finished curriculum. The only curriculum we ever finished. Every year was our math. But what happened is, we learned to love, to learn, and have very successful children who have done some really difficult things in their careers. It works itself out. But teaching character, teaching the gospel of Jesus Christ. There is no substitute for that, and have some fun because you're making memories.
Ready to start teaching manners in your home? Visit The Etiquette Factory to learn more about Monica's practical curriculum that makes teaching character and manners enjoyable for the whole family.