The Gifts of Trauma

Hosted by J'aime Rothbard & Rosemary Davies-Janes. Produced by J'aime Rothbard. What if the path to inner and outer peace—and to the survival of our species—runs through our biology, not just our psychology? In this bonus finale to our Relating Series, Eva and Zach guide us beyond the familiar terrain of human-to-human relating to the new ground of relating to our original imprint. This conversation weaves hard science with systems thinking and spiritual wisdom to show that rather than transcending our humanity, healing our separation wound is about fully embracing our original design as vessels of biodiversity, wisdom and interconnected intelligence. Our guests explain: - The energetic upgrade offered by, 'remembering through water' - How the victim-perpetrator-saviour triad (The Drama Triangle) has served us, and why it's time to transmute it - What constriction and expansion reveal about the human experience - Why the human colon holds more biodiversity than any other species If you've been seeking peace through fixing, escaping, or transcending the darkness, this episode offers a radically different perspective: "What if we came here to experience it all?"  Listen to this mind-expanding discussion to see how shifting from polarization to polarity, and welcoming both compression and expansion, can transform your own life journey. About Eva Dalak Founder, Peace Activation A skilled conflict transformation facilitator and peacebuilding trainer, for 20+ years Eva has worked with international organisations in 22+ conflict zones across Africa, the Middle East and Asia, blending systemic change with personal and collective healing. After 30+ years as a gender and conflict expert, she leads trauma- informed, soul-centered initiatives as a women's empowerment coach.  Growing up as a Palestinian-Muslim in Israel, Eva experienced a fragmented identity within a system designed to 'divide and rule.'. Fluent in five languages, she's trained in international development and law, spiritual psychology, and somatic experiencing.  Currently based in Costa Rica, Eva launched Peace Activation on October 7, 2023 in response to the escalating crisis in Palestine and Israel. A global peace initiative, it's rooted in the belief that sustainable peace begins within. Eva also hosts the Peace is Possible podcast and authors The Other Narrative Substack. About Zach Bush, MD A physician specializing in internal medicine, endocrinology and hospice care, Zach is an internationally recognized educator and thought leader on the microbiome as it relates to health, disease, and food systems.  He founded the Seraphic Group and the non-profit Farmer's Footprint to develop root-cause solutions for human and ecological health.  His passion for education reaches across many disciplines, including topics such as the role of soil and water ecosystems in human genomics, immunity, and gut/brain health.  Zach's education has highlighted the need for a radical departure from chemical farming and pharmacy, and his ongoing efforts are providing a path for consumers, farmers and mega-industries to work together for a healthy future for people and our planet. Promotional Message: If you're not a therapist or healer, but you've heard our guests describe the personal transformations they experienced during their Compassionate Inquiry® journeys, and wonder what that would be like for you... Circles is a 10-week small group experience offered to anyone who wants to experience the power of Gabor Maté's approach to trauma healing. Use this link to find out if this program is for you. Resources Websites: Eva Dalak Peace Activation Zach Bush Farmer's Footprint Related links:  The Drama Triangle The Other Narrative – Substack Earth One Transatlantic Crossing Earthrise Collective Pooven Moodley Ubuntu Burning Man Courses: Peace Leader Pathway Journey Collective Immersion Compassionate Inquiry Circles  Books: Dancing In The Dark: How I Found My True Vision For Peace. Human: From Crisis to Our Greatest Opportunity (Available Aug 18) Pleiadan Prophesy 2020: The New Golden Age Podcasts: Peace is Possible Podcast August 2025 Interview with Eva & Zach Quotes: "More so than the victim or the perpetrator, the savior is actually the one going in to poison the system and see who can survive." - Zach Bush, MD "I'm inviting people to come to that field, beyond right doing and wrongdoing. This field where you exist and you have all legitimacy to exist without doing anything." - Eva Dalak "...there is no saving a system that sees itself as its own enemy. And every cancer cell is an inherent part of every human body, and it is your self." - Zach Bush, MD "In Arabic, we say, "Yom asal yom basal." One day it's gonna be honey, and one day it's gonna be onion. When you're in a honey day, you know that tomorrow might be an onion, and it's going to stink." - Eva Dalak "... the loneliest cell in the body is the cancer cell… If you welcome it back into the fold, it will eliminate all of its own cancer properties and will actually call in stem cells to lay down healthy tissue." - Zach Bush, MD "Stop waiting for the king. Be a queen." - Caroline Myss "... abandonment disorder is the fundamental foundation of human behavior. In our improving sciences around addiction, we find addiction is the necessary and absolute reaction to abandonment disorder." - Zach Bush, MD "The way in which we tend to drown in guilt again is addiction. So our choice is either to perpetuate our own victimization through addiction, or hold our ground and switch the direction of guilt to shame as a weapon." - Zach Bush, MD Social Media: Eva's Instagram Zach's Instagram Eva's Facebook Zach's Facebook Eva's LinkedIn Zach's LinkedIn Eva's Youtube Zach's YouTube Zach's X  

Hosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes and J'aime Rothbard.  Produced by J'aime Rothbard. This vulnerable conversation continues exploring relating through the LGBTQ+ lens, as Vimalasara and Jordan share insights rarely disclosed to the heteronormative population. Jordan reflects on the inner work required to create safety for others—unpacking his own trauma so he can hold space for someone else's. Vimalasara addresses the harsh realities of domestic violence in LGBTQ+ communities, highlighting the barriers to seeking help—being subjected to transphobia, homophobia, or violence in shelters intended to provide refuge. They also explore: - Why trans women face the most heinous violence - The erosion of trans rights which give people "permission" to be openly transphobic - Why supporting trans youth requires parents' unconditional love - The trauma of conversion therapy, and the impact of 'unsafe' school policies  Both guests emphasize that change begins within as "humans are capable of transformation," and cultivating self-compassion allows us to see others more clearly. The conversation concludes with Jordan offering his mantra: "Every minute is a choice. I choose to get better by the minute." About: Dr Valerie (Vimalasara) Mason-John,  M.A (hon.doc)  Hailed by Dr. Ken Hardy as, "One of the premier social, cultural, and psychological healers of our time" Vimalasara is an award-winning author of 11 books including Detox Your Heart, Meditations for Emotional Trauma, and Eight Step Recovery Using The Buddha's Teachings to Overcome Addiction.  They are a co-founder of the secular 8-week course Mindfulness-Based Addiction Recovery (MBAR) and one of the new leading African Descent Voices in the field of Mindfulness Approaches for Addiction. Their latest book, a First Aid Kit for the Mind, Breaking the Cycle of Habitual Behaviours has been  described by Gabor Maté as distilling 'Aeons of Wisdom."  About Jordan Decker Jordan "SameHeart" Decker is a National and International Speaker, Course Creator of the HeartLine Approach to Gender Affirmation, Creator of the Alchemy of Authenticity Coaching, a Polarity Integration Consultant, a Plant Medicine Guide and Accidental Activist for Transyouth Suicide Prevention.  His background in Neuro-linguistic programming, Somatic Experiencing, Compassionate Inquiry® Training with Dr. Gabor Maté, and Diversity, Equity and Inclusion Certificate ground him in educating, consulting and healing trauma through hands-on bodywork.  Tapping into his Indigenous ancestry, he lives to be in alignment with the land, trees, water, air and self. In his spare time he is a cat whisperer and animal lover. Promotional Message: The Compassionate Inquiry® Suicide Attention Training is for therapists, health professionals and others working in therapeutic, healing, educational, medical, or coaching roles. If you're seeking sensitive training to help you recognize and support people in your communities who may be experiencing suicidal distress, tap this link. It will take you to a web page where you can learn more about this training, and decide if it's a good fit for you.  Resources: Websites: Vimalasara's Website Vimalasara's CI Practitioner Profile Jordan's Website Related Links: Vimalasara's Wikipedia Page  Sadhguru's Website Videos: How Not to Die We Are What We Think - TedX Let Go of Stories Courses:  First Aid Kit for the Mind Course Overcoming Addiction Course Inner Engineering Course Compassionate Inquiry Professional Training Books: First Aid Kit for the Mind Detox Your Heart Inner Engineering Quotes: "Humans are capable of change. Humans are capable of transformation and liberation of the mind and we are capable of true compassion." - Dr. Valerie Mason-John "If we look at the emotional component of a heart attack, it's a heartbreak. My heart broke." - Jordan Decker "Healing is not the erasure of pain, but the capacity to hold it with consciousness until it transforms." - Solea Anani "There needs to be more services, and to make it safe for [LGBTQ+] people to go somewhere and say, this is happening in my relationship. I need help."  - Dr. Valerie Mason-John "Every minute is a choice. So, yeah, I choose to get better by the minute." - Jordan Decker Social Media: IG:  @vmasonjohn       @_jdeck__ FB: Vimalasara - Valerie Mason-John       Jordan Decker  

Hosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes and J'aime Rothbard.  Produced by J'aime Rothbard. This thought provoking conversation explores relating through the LGBTQ+ lens, but not only presented to that community. Instead it is a vulnerable and honest sharing in which Vimalarara and Jordan offer insights and perspectives rarely disclosed to the heteronormative population. In this inclusive episode they touch on the: - Use of pronouns can create a sense of safety and inclusion - Perspective of gender as a social construct rather than a personal identity - Historical impact of religious and colonial beliefs on gender and sexuality - Concept of "care" being used to justify harmful practices (residential schools/conversion therapy)  This conversation concludes with reflections on the importance of self-awareness regarding one's own biases, and how understanding personal challenges can help in supporting others. It also pauses the conversation on care, which will be resumed in the second part of this episode. About: Dr Valerie (Vimalasara) Mason-John,  M.A (hon.doc)  Hailed by Dr. Ken Hardy as, "One of the premier social, cultural, and psychological healers of our time" Vimalasara is an award-winning author of 11 books including Detox Your Heart, Meditations for Emotional Trauma, and Eight Step Recovery Using The Buddha's Teachings to Overcome Addiction.  They are a co-founder of the secular 8-week course Mindfulness-Based Addiction Recovery (MBAR) and one of the new leading African Descent Voices in the field of Mindfulness Approaches for Addiction. Their latest book, a First Aid Kit for the Mind, Breaking the Cycle of Habitual Behaviours has been  described by Gabor Maté as distilling 'Aeons of Wisdom."  About Jordan Decker Jordan "SameHeart" Decker is a National and International Speaker, Course Creator of the HeartLine Approach to Gender Affirmation, Creator of the Alchemy of Authenticity Coaching, a Polarity Integration Consultant, a Plant Medicine Guide and Accidental Activist for Transyouth Suicide Prevention.  His background in Neuro-linguistic programming, Somatic Experiencing, Compassionate Inquiry® Training with Dr. Gabor Maté, and Diversity, Equity and Inclusion Certificate ground him in educating, consulting and healing trauma through hands-on bodywork.  Tapping into his Indigenous ancestry, he lives to be in alignment with the land, trees, water, air and self. In his spare time he is a cat whisperer and animal lover. Promotional Message: If you're not a therapist or healer, but you've heard our guests describe the personal transformations they experienced during their Compassionate Inquiry® journeys, and wonder what that would be like for you... Circles is a 10-week small group experience offered to anyone who wants to experience the power of Gabor Maté's approach to trauma healing. Use this link to find out if this program is for you. Resources: Websites: Vimalasara's Website Vimalasara's CI Practitioner Profile Jordan's Website Related Links: Eating Disorder Recovery Programs Vimalasara's Wikipedia Page  Sadhguru's Website Bayo Akomolafe's Website Resmaa Menaken's Website Videos: How Not to Die We Are What We Think - TedX Let Go of Stories Courses:  First Aid Kit for the Mind Course Overcoming Addiction Course Inner Engineering Course Compassionate Inquiry Professional Training Books: First Aid Kit for the Mind Detox Your Heart Inner Engineering Quotes: "... about heart disease… what these cardiologists are saying, it's not coronary disease, it's culinary disease. " - Vimalasara "...we don't think about gender. Because in a way… I really believe that these are social constructs. However, we do live in a world which is gendered, so actually we are treated differently. These constructs …have an impact." - Vimalasara "I am going with the flow. I'm definitely learning how to be in the river and float, not drown." - Jordan Decker "I'm not nonbinary in the sense of a third gender or something in-between. I'm nonbinary in the sense that the binary itself is the problem. … My gender is a disruption, a disidentification, a structural exit, a refusal of the classificatory logic that makes gender a legible commodity in the first place." -  Maxi Glamour Social Media: IG:  @vmasonjohn       @_jdeck__ FB: Vimalasara - Valerie Mason-John       Jordan Decker  

Hosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes & Leila Bahri-Lucas. Produced by J'aime Rothbard. This episode reminds us that the unconscious processes that drive humans, our memories and survival instincts, often lead to misunderstandings and reactive behaviors. Consequently, most relationship issues, while they may seem personal, actually stem from our innate drives. Stan outlines that rather than being approached casually, successful relationships require deliberate design, shared purpose, defined roles, and agreed-upon principles.   We also explore: - The PPPRRR Approach: Couples can "Predict, Plan, Prepare, and Revise or Repair" potential issues. - What's required for 'real repair - How life changes, like adding a baby, tend to impact a relationship - Co-regulation vs. Self-regulation - Safety and Security: The bedrock of any successful relationship. Stan also explains the unique communication challenges presented by technology (texting) and driving both of which lack the crucial visual cues co-regulation requires. "Never get into emotional conversations when driving because you will fight. We're legally blind. It can't work. So pull over." About Stan Tatkin  PsyD, MFT, Clinician, Author and Researcher Dr. Tatkin was an assistant clinical professor at UCLA, David Geffen School of Medicine, is the developer of 'A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy®' (PACT) and with his wife, Dr. Tracey Boldemann-Tatkin, PhD, co-founded the PACT Institute.  Stan maintains a private practice in Southern California, leads PACT programs in the US and internationally and is the author of We Do, Wired for Love, Your Brain on Love, Relationship Rx, Wired for Dating, What Every Therapist Ought to Know, and co-author of Love and War in Intimate Relationships, and In Each Other's Care. About Leila Bahri-Lucas  MA, Counselor and Therapeutic Coach  Integrating Relational Life Therapy, Positive Psychology, Compassionate Inquiry and a Master's in Psychology and Neuroscience of Mental Health from King's College London, Leila's approach is trauma informed, emotionally precise, and grounded in real relational change.  Specializing in infertility, blended families, and the many challenges of family building. Leila supports couples through their most difficult moments. Based in Dubai, Leila works internationally with people who want to understand what drives disconnection and how real connection becomes possible again. Promotional Message: If you're interested in experiencing Gabor Maté's trauma healing approach, consider working with a certified Compassionate Inquiry Practitioner. Access healing support for mental, emotional and physical symptoms, unresolved trauma, relationship issues,  addictions, and more. Use this link to access our global directory of multilingual certified professionals. In addition to their years of CI training and regular Certification reviews, our Practitioners bring the depth of their own personal lived experiences and skills in additional, complementary therapeutic approaches. Resources Websites: Dr Tatkin's Website Leila's Website   Training: 7 Days to Better Fights The PACT Institute The Developmental Model Relational Life Institute Compassionate Inquiry Leila's CI Circle  (Starts 1/14/26) No matter what we're going through, infertility, relationship strain, blended-family transitions, loss, or simply feeling disconnected, these experiences shape how we relate to ourselves and others. They can create isolation, silence or distance, even in relationships that matter deeply. Leila's upcoming CI Circle on Relating is a supportive space for all who want to explore these relational layers in a supportive community with honesty and care.    Videos: TEDxKC  Relationships Are Hard, But Why? Welcome Home Exercise for Couples The Architecture of Relationships The Neurobiology of Thriving Relationships Why Love isn't Enough Books: Wired for Love  (1st Edition: 2012, 2nd Edition: 2024) In Each Other's Care  (2023) Baby Bomb (2021) What Every Therapist Ought to Know (2021) We Do (2018) Relationship Rx  (2018) Wired for Dating (2016) Your Brain on Love  (2012) Love and War in Intimate Relationships (2010) Scattered Minds (2000) Quotes: "Couples choose each other with an unerring instinct for finding the very person who will exactly match their own level of unconscious anxieties and mirror their own dysfunctions and who will trigger for them all their unresolved emotional pain." - Gabor Maté, Scattered Minds "When we recite our relationship vows, perhaps we should say, I take you as my pain in the rear with all your history and baggage, and I take responsibility for all prior injustices you endured at the hands of those I never knew, because you are now in my care." - Stan Tatkin, Wired for Love "We don't have to remain at the mercy of each other's runaway moods and feelings. Rather, as competent managers of our partners, we can become expert at moving, shifting, motivating, influencing, soothing and inspiring one another." - Stan Tatkin, Wired for Love "They were too familiar to ignore, but too different to tolerate." - Yuval Noah Harari "There's no perfect partner. What makes a partner right for you is a shared willingness to create a secure relationship. If you're both willing to go all in together, you are perfect for each other."  - Stan Tatkin Social Media  IG: @drstantatkin @realwithleila   FB: ​​https://www.facebook.com/PactTrainingInstitute       https://www.facebook.com/leilanyc YT: @stanleytat LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stan-tatkin/     https://www.linkedin.com/in/realwithleila/

Hosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes. Produced by J'aime Rothbard. This episode introduces Polyamory, a form of consensual non-monogamy, as a relational style involving multiple loving, consensual, romantic partners simultaneously. It emphasizes trust, open communication (as opposed to secretive 'cheating') and mutual agreement. Jessica and David, themselves polyamory practitioners and co-authors of two books on Polyamory, are joined by JP Bolhuis, a Psychosocial Therapist, Compassionate Inquiry Practitioner and Private Mentor who recently entered the world of polyamory. Jesica and David explain: - Polyamory is often adopted as a personal orientation or for philosophical reasons - A key concept in managing multiple relationships is: "Love is infinite, but time isn't." - How the structured approach of restorative justice navigates conflict in intimate relationships - The crucial role Internal Family Systems plays in healing within polyamorous contexts - How Shame Triangles can be transformed into Self-Love Triangles JP vulnerably shares his personal journey into polyamory, including his challenges with anxious and avoidant attachment tendencies,  past shame, and how to approach the topic with his children.   About Jessica Fern  Integrative Therapist, Coach, Author A Certified Clinical Trauma Professional she holds a MA in Conflict Resolution, and draws on 25 years of experience in somatic, narrative, psychotherapeutic, and spiritual healing modalities. She bridges Internal Family Systems, attachment theory, trauma recovery, and relational psychology to help people cultivate secure, Self-led relationships—with themselves and others.  Jessica is the internationally recognized author of Polysecure (2020), The Polysecure Workbook (2022), Polywise (2023) and Transforming the Shame Triangle (2025).  In her international private practice, she supports individuals and couples in multi-partner relationships who want to break free from reactive patterns, cultural conditioning, insecure attachment, and past trauma—empowering them to embody new possibilities in life and love. About David Cooley Restorative Justice Facilitator, Diversity & Privilege Awareness Trainer, Bilingual Cultural Broker While working as a professional Restorative Circle facilitator and trainer in the field of Restorative Justice, David was impressed by the power of dialogue, within a safe and structured container, to radically transform conflict into a tremendously healing process. So he created the Restorative Relationship Conversations model, a process that transforms interpersonal conflict into deeper connection, intimacy and repair.  In his private practice, David specializes in working with non-monogamous and LGBTQ partnerships, incorporating a variety of modalities including trauma-informed care, attachment theory, somatic practices, narrative theory, and mindfulness-based techniques. With Jessica Fern, he co-authored Polywise (2023) and Transforming the Shame Triangle (2025).  About Jan Peter Bolhuis Psychosocial Therapist, CI Private Mentor & Practitioner Having been trained by Gabor Maté and others, JP is currently completing his development in ACT therapy. He runs a trauma therapy practice, works in homeless care and teaches close combat in his own school. A 55 year old father of three and grandfather of one, JP lives in a peaceful, forested environment and shares his life in a polyamorous relationship.  Relationships are no longer places where he adapts to belong, but invitations to be real. For his first 46 years JP drifted far from himself. Over the past eight years, he learned to hold himself in pain or confusion without disappearing into old patterns of numbing with distraction, sex or drugs. He also shifted from surviving to living with awareness, from strategy to values and from correction to connection.  For JP, healing is no longer a destination but an 'in the moment' choice to 'ride the rollercoaster.' Promotional Message: If you're not a therapist or healer, but you've heard our guests describe the personal transformations they experienced during their Compassionate Inquiry® journeys, and wonder what that would be like for you... Circles is a 10-week small group experience offered to anyone who wants to experience the power of Gabor Maté's approach to trauma healing. Use this link to find out if this program is for you Resources: Websites:  Jessica's Website   David's Website JP's Website JP's Healing Grounds Site JP's Compassionate Inquiry Profile Articles: The Universal Human Need to be Seen, Heard and Valued The Karpman Drama Triangle Books: Polywise: A Deeper Dive into Navigating Open Relationships Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy Transforming the Shame Triangle: From Shame to Love Using Parts Work Videos: Gabor Maté on Marriage Podcasts: Quotes: "To be truly seen and heard, to be truly known, is a deep human need." - Charles Eisenstein, Sacred Economics: Money, Gift, and Society in the Age of Transition "Nonmonogamy can be a pressure cooker for growth. It is commonly and playfully known in the nonmonogamous world that you shouldn't enter consensual nonmonogamy unless you are ready to process, communicate, grow and then process, communicate and grow some more." - Jessica Fern, Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy  "A relationship can be a real ground for mutual growth. So you can enter into a relationship... you're not going to be perfect, carry a certain degree of trauma, a certain degree of dysfunction, etc. But if both people are committed to the truth more than "who's right" and working it out and if the fundamental love is there, then you can grow together." - Gabor Maté Social Media: IG: @jessicafern411 IG: @bolhuisjanpeter  David on LinkedIn JP on LinkedIn  JP on Facebook Jessica on Facebook