The Gifts of Trauma

Hosted by J'aime Rothbard and Rosemary Davies-Janes.  Produced by J'aime Rothbard. In this soft and flowing conversation, Silva Neves differentiates the term "sex addiction" from "sexual compulsivity," as addiction is an independent disorder, while compulsion arises from environmental distress. Like food, sex is a primary drive, and has a natural physiological stopping point  not present in other addictions. The analogy of food and diverse cuisines to normalize conversations about sexuality, highlighting that different tastes and preferences in food are accepted, but similar differences in sexuality are often judged. Diana and Silva also highlight: - How religions' prohibition of 'sex for pleasure' causes widespread shame,   which has been identified as a significant driver of sexual compulsivity and distress. - Why medical professionals and therapists feel discomfort discussing sexual issues - How societal judgments about sexual behaviors suppress curiosity and open communication. - Why problematic porn viewing is often a symptom of underlying mental health issues The episode concludes with a message of love, connection, and the idea that sexuality is not the opposite of spirituality, but a part of our common humanity, inviting us to bring softness and curiosity to our inner worlds of pleasure and intimacy. About Silva Neves, Psychosexual, Relationship EMDR & Trauma Psychotherapist  An award-winning, experienced psychosexual and relationship therapist, Silva is a specialist in the treatment of compulsive sexual behaviours and in working with survivors of sexual abuse. He also offers clinical supervision to psychotherapists, psychologists, counselors and other mental health professionals. The author of 4 books: Compulsive Sexual Behaviours, (2021) Sexology, (2023). Erotically Queer, (2023) and Relationally Queer, (2023) Silva also provides clinical training on the topics of sex and relationships, compulsive sexual behaviours, trauma and grief to his international following. An editorial board member of Sexual and Relationship Therapy (an international journal) and a Clinical Associate with Pink Therapy, in 2023, Silva was the recipient of the Sexual Freedom Ally Award for his contribution to the field of sexology. His many accreditations include: AccCOSRT, AccCOSRT(sup), UKCP registered, MNCPS(Acc.), Reg.MBACP, and Accred AGSRDT.  About Diana Safta, Compassionate Inquiry Facilitator and Psychotherapist An active psychologist with a MA in Clinical Psychology, Diana blends Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Schema Therapy, Systemic Therapy and the teachings of countless diverse courses, workshops and retreats on topics ranging from shamanic practices to mindfulness and meditation. Along with her expertise, Diana's clients receive her openness, kindness, and compassion.  After realizing that her art career, while interesting, lacked fundamental meaning, then experiencing a divorce, Diana  began a personal healing journey in which she learned that her childhood traumas were still actively influencing her adult life decisions.  After 8+ years of psychotherapy, Diana discovered Compassionate Inquiry, which enabled her to release her old coping mechanisms and habits, and move to a higher level of consciousness, embodiment, and self-connection. Today, in addition to offering therapy to clients in Romanian and English, both online and in-person (in Bucharest), Diana supports the Compassionate Inquiry Community as a Facilitator, Mentor and Circle Leader. Promotional Message: If you're interested in experiencing Gabor Maté's trauma healing approach, consider working with a certified Compassionate Inquiry (CI) Practitioner. Access healing support for mental, emotional and physical symptoms, unresolved trauma, relationship issues,  addictions, and more. Use this link to access our global directory of multilingual certified professionals. In addition to their years of CI training and regular Certification reviews, like Diana our Practitioners bring the depth of their own personal lived experiences and skills in additional, complementary therapeutic approaches.  Resources Websites: Diana's Professional Profile Silva's Professional Website Silva's Sex Positivity  Website Silva's Counselling Directory Profile Silva's Sexology Institute Profile Courses: Compassionate Inquiry Training Programs Silva's NScience Courses Silva's PesiUK Courses Podcasts: The Meaningful Life (2021) The Smart Connector (2023) Events: ReConnect 2025 - Bucharest Books: Compulsive Sexual Behaviours. A Psycho-Sexual Treatment Guide for Clinicians Sexology: The Basics Erotically Queer. A Pink Therapy Guide for Practitioners Relationally Queer. A Pink Therapy Guide for Practitioners  Quotes: "There was a time before the modern religions, as we know them today, when there was such a different relationship with sex and sexuality,..modern religions… have lots of prohibitions around sexuality.... there are so many things about sex that people believe to be true [that] are just constructs that have [their] origins in religion." - Silva Neves "It's much easier to speak about pleasure when it's the culinary taste. But a different aspect of pleasure that [we've] been conditioned for hundreds of years not to speak about,. [This] made us exile our connection to sexuality and life force and creativity and the joys of life." - Diana Safta Social Media: IG: Diana, Silva FB: Diana X:   Silva

Hosted by Kevin Young.  Produced by J'aime Rothbard. In this conversation, Kevin introduces us to Dr Paul Gallagher, a lecturer in trauma studies at Cork University who started his formal education at age 40, after a significant "gap" in his life. Born in Belfast in 1972 at the height of "The Troubles," Paul recounts growing up in a war zone, where at 21, his home was invaded and his family held hostage. During this attack, he was shot and paralysed, and while physical and medical care were provided, psychological support was not.  Paul highlights: - The crucial roles of community-led initiatives that provide vital support, education, and a path to hope for survivors. - The inseparable connection between the academic understanding of trauma and practical, compassionate healing approaches such as those offered by the Wave Trauma Center. The conversation concludes with Paul sharing his vision of a trauma-informed society in his deeply traumatized homeland. About Dr. Paul Gallagher  Born in Belfast, Northern Ireland, Paul grew up in an area heavily impacted by the political violence euphemistically known as 'The Troubles.' He was relatively untouched until 1994, when his home was taken over by terrorists who held Paul and his family hostage while they waited for their intended target. When their plan failed to snare that individual, they shot Paul, which left him with life changing injuries After a protracted recovery, Paul reclaimed his life. His engagement with a local NGO, WAVE Trauma Centre sparked a lifelong journey into psychological trauma understanding and healing. Paul graduated from Queen's University in 2016 with a BSc in Psychological Trauma Studies. He achieved his MA in Conflict Transformation and Social Justice in 2017. This was followed up in 2022 when Paul was awarded his Doctorate in Sociology, focusing on the Campaign for Recognition by the WAVE Injured Group, which lobbied successfully for a special pension for those injured during the conflict. A Trauma Education Officer for WAVE Trauma Centre, Paul blends his personal experience of trauma with his knowledge of the traumatology field. He teaches a range of courses, including the BSc at Queen's University and an MA in Trauma Studies at UCC (University College Cork). His main interests are nurturing post-traumatic growth, both in himself and sowing seeds for growth around him. He continues to advocate for those affected by the Troubles and for others around the globe through his work with WAVE Trauma. Promotional Message: If you've been listening to our podcast and are curious about the Compassionate Inquiry approach developed by Dr. Gabor Mate and Sat Dharam Kaur, consider joining the Professional Training Program. It's open to all healing professionals, including naturopaths, physicians, body workers, coaches and therapists. In addition to learning how to use compassion to support your clients in their most vulnerable moments with greater empathy and authenticity, you'll also deepen your own internal process. If you're interested, look for the link in the show notes. Resources: Websites: Paul's Personal Blog Professional Website  Paul's PhD Thesis  Post Traumatic Growth Module (UCC) Articles: Queen's University, Belfast Belfast Telegraph Video: What Does it Mean to be a Frontline Worker? Book: My Grandmother's Hands: Racialized Trauma and the Pathway to Mending Our Hearts and Bodies Social Media: X: @cutdabegs Bluesky: @cutdabegs.bsky.social Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/WaveTraumaCentre/

Hosted by Kevin Young. Produced by J'aime Rothbard. Tony shares his personal journey, from growing up gay in the 60s, to experiencing sexual trauma and seeking healing in his 50s. He views safety, kindness, and gentleness as essential for healing, as they invite us to lower our shields and 'just be.' Having worked in the psychedelic world for 2 decades, Tony stresses that profound psychedelic experiences are only valuable if they lead to a greater sense of ease and conscious awareness with which we can navigate our challenging world. He also recounts: - The development of gentler, more supportive psychedelic assistance approaches - How ketamine can deliver an eternal quality of love, akin to AH Almaas's concept - The pure self-observation available through 5-MeO-DMT - The alignment between Hakomi and Compassionate Inquiry Tony also mentions his photography of Iboga ceremonies in West Africa and an upcoming project with an Ibogaine treatment center. Moving forward, he plans to reduce the intensity of his medicine work, pursue photography projects (including documenting coming-of-age rituals), and train psychedelic therapists in integrating Hakomi principles. About Tony Hoare A founding Compassionate Inquiry® Facilitator, Practitioner and Relational Somatic Therapist, Tony has worked with individuals in the context of psychedelic-assisted therapy in Ayahuasca ceremonies since 2005. He also held supportive roles in 15 of Gabor Maté's 9-day plant medicine retreats, from 2009 to 2017, helping participants prepare for and integrate their experiences.  Having observed Gabor Maté practicing Compassionate Inquiry for hundreds of hours, Tony also works with people seeking one-on-one emotional processing and healing. He uses Compassionate Inquiry® to help his clients understand and process their emotions, discover the origins of their pain, develop forgiveness and self-acceptance. Tony describes himself as: "In love with wild places - thrives on new experiences - forever curious about people and what makes them tick - never happier than on an adventure with a camera - connects just as easily with the janitor or the ceo - lives simply - delivers the goods." Promotional Message: If you've been listening to our podcast and are curious about the Compassionate Inquiry® approach developed by Doctor Gabor Maté and Sat Dharam Kaur, consider joining the Professional Training Program. It's open to all healing professionals, including naturopaths, physicians, body workers, coaches, and therapists. In addition to learning how to use compassion to support your clients in their most vulnerable moments with greater empathy and authenticity, you'll also deepen your own internal process. If you're interested, tap this link to access more information.. Resources: Websites: Tony's Photography Website  Tony's Compassionate Inquiry Profile Related Links: Georgia Marvin What is Iboga? What is 5-MeO-DMT? What is Bufo? What is a Plant Dieta? Books: Love Unveiled: Discovering the Essence of the Awakened Heart The Hakomi Way Video: What is Ibogaine? Quotes:  "The greatest thing that I can do for you is work on me. And the greatest thing that you can do for me is work on you." - Ram Dass  "Be kind to yourself. You don't have to work at this. There's nothing to do. Be gentle." - Tony Hoare "You would be wise in your own life to recognize the times that needed to be clothed in ritual." -  John O'Donoghue "Your conflicts, all the difficult things, the problematic situations in your life are not chance or haphazard. They are actually yours. They are specifically yours, designed specifically for you by a part of you that loves you more than anything else. The part of you that loves you more than anything else has created roadblocks to lead you to yourself. You are not going in the right direction unless there is something pricking you in the side, telling you, "Look here! This way!" That part of you loves you so much that it doesn't want you to lose the chance. It will go to extreme measures to wake you up, it will make you suffer greatly if you don't listen. What else can it do? That is its purpose." - AH Almaas Social Media: FB: https://www.facebook.com/tony.hoare.750 IG: https://www.instagram.com/tonyhoare7707/

Hosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes.  Produced by J'aime Rothbard. In this gentle, heart-felt conversation, Leila guides us through the emotional landscape of infertility debunking common myths and misconceptions. She also shares her personal story, from 11 rounds of IVF to complete emotional collapse, which led her to agency, freedom, a new beginning and a baby.   Leila also addresses: - How Infertility, as a trauma in its own right can unearth feelings of shame and worthlessness - Why trauma-informed support can ease the emotional toll of infertility medical interventions cannot. - The roles that self-compassion, truth and compassion play in our healing process - Why acknowledging difficult truths and fostering self-compassion are vital for emotional well-being Leila emphasizes that while the infertility journey is one of profound uncertainty and unraveling, if we surrender to the collapse, rather than allowing ourselves to be hijacked by the struggle, we can access freedom, agency and discover new paths forward. She shares how by learning to sit with our painful personal truths, cultivating self-compassion and community support, we can transform our experiences.  About Leila Bahri-Lucas  Counselor and Therapeutic Coach  Integrating Relational Life Therapy, Positive Psychology, Compassionate Inquiry and a Master's in Psychology and Neuroscience of Mental Health from King's College London, Leila's approach is trauma informed, emotionally precise, and grounded in real relational change, the kind that shows up in the way we live, love, argue, repair, and try again. While infertility remains central to her work, her focus has grown into the wider landscape of family building and relational transitions. She supports individuals, couples, and groups navigating infertility or its aftermath, blended families, relationship breakdowns, identity shifts, grief, and the emotional patterns that shape connection. Leila believes we each hold a reproductive story, whether or not we become parents. Her passion is helping people stay connected to themselves and each other during life chapters that often create silence, shame, or distance. Her own path included 11 IVF cycles, conceiving her daughter through egg donation, and becoming a mother nine months after her father died. That personal history continues to shape how she understands lineage, rupture, protection, and the courage it takes to relate with honesty. Based in Dubai, Leila works internationally with people who want to understand what drives disconnection and how real connection becomes possible again. Promotional Message: If you're not a therapist or healer, but you've heard our guests describe the personal transformations they experienced during their Compassionate Inquiry® journeys, and wonder what that would be like for you... Circles is a 10-week small group experience offered to anyone who wants to experience the power of Gabor Maté's approach to trauma healing. Use this link to find out if this program is for you. Resources Websites: Leila's Website   Leila's CI Circle  (Starts 1/14/26) No matter what we're going through, infertility, relationship strain, blended-family transitions, loss, or simply feeling disconnected, these experiences shape how we relate to ourselves and others. They can create isolation, silence or distance, even in relationships that matter deeply. Leila's upcoming CI Circle on Relating is a supportive space for all who want to explore these relational layers in a supportive community with honesty and care.  Studies: Fewer than half of IVF cycles are successful. These scientists are trying to change that IVF research: What are the latest advances, and what obstacles stand in the way? Articles: What your doctor isn't telling you about IVF — but should Common Infertility Myths & Misperceptions.  Navigating the Emotional Landscape of Infertility What surrender really means in spirituality and how it can bring peace in modern life  Books: Conceivability When the Body Says No Intimate Conversations with the Divine  When Things Fall Apart  The Untethered Soul The Surrender Experiment Embracing Uncertainty  The Upside of Uncertainty  Podcasts: 15 Best Fertility Podcasts (2025) Quotes: "Infertility is uncertainty on a repeat. Infertility is uncertainty and so is life actually. It's the illusion of control that we have to let go of." - Leila Bahri-Lucas "The path is uncharted. It comes into existence moment by moment and at the same time drops away behind us. It's like riding on a train sitting backwards. We can't see where we're headed, only where we've been." - Pema Chödrön. (When Things Fall Apart) "Truth without compassion isn't healing and compassion without truth isn't enough. So work on that self compassion muscle in whichever way you can." - Leila Bahri-Lucas "Infertility is trauma in its own right, but it also unearths deeper wounds from early life. It leaves no stone unturned. For one in four to six couples, the inability to conceive cracks open layers of shame, isolation, rejection (for not being chosen) and grief that track back to childhood. Infertility has a particular set of stressors. It's a raw and complex journey for oneself and relationally." - Leila Bahri-Lucas   Social Media  @realwithleila  

Hosted by Kevin Young. Produced by J'aime Rothbard. In this conversation, our guests forge a link between childhood trauma and the severity of menopausal symptoms. Aisling, a GP who is herself experiencing perimenopause, notes that the menopausal women who consult her often carry immense stress from being "sandwiched" between their peak career responsibilities and caring for children, grandchildren and aging parents.  Together Aisling and Rati contrast: - "Estrogen Washing" a term Aisling coined to suggest that HRT often serves as a "wash" which may offer temporary relief but is covering deeper societal issues like capitalist demands, patriarchy, and the emotional burdens placed on women. - Societal Silence: Despite a full 25% of the UK population being perimenopausal or menopausal, there's a significant lack of open discussion on this topic amongst women, and little to no discussion about it between menopausal women and the men in their lives. - Negative Cultural Views of Menopause; In the west it's often seen as an end of productivity and fertility. It's associated with shame and unattractiveness. In Native American traditions, where older women are revered as "elders" and "wisdom keepers," menopause symptoms are often less severe. The conversation concludes with supportive future visions for women in menopause. Rati suggests women need space, quiet, rest, and reduced workloads, along with curious, loving, and respectful listening from others.  Aisling envisions women's menopausal struggles as harbingers of greater cultural challenges to come. She suggests men will take on more emotional load, and society will come to value aging women as wise, empathetic leaders.  Rati Roberta Riccardi, Somatic Therapist After a 12-year career as a professional freelance translator in Italy, Rati started exploring. For the last two decades, she has been supporting people in expanding their consciousness and empowering them to find their inner healer/teacher through a variety of modalities. A Compassionate Inquiry® Practitioner, Facilitator and Mentor, and a psychedelic assisted therapy preparation and integration practitioner, Rati has explored different healing traditions, including various shamanic approaches. She is trained in Mediterranean massage, Reconnective Healing and The Reconnection, Hatha Yoga, Nada Yoga, Meditation, Breathing Techniques and Intuitive Energy Work. She has studied the consciousness expanding and healing properties of sound extensively with Alexandre Tannous and facilitates group and one-on-one sound meditations.  Rati has travelled extensively, learning, studying, and guiding groups with prolonged stays in Brazil, Peru and Mexico to explore indigenous culture and traditions. About Dr Aisling Quiery Aisling is a Family Doctor (GP), a Compassionate Inquiry® Practitioner and a Health/Life Coach who combines her medical knowledge, her Compassionate Inquiry® training and Coaching to help people to heal through connection to their authentic selves, to the present moment, and to each other. With her support, her patients move beyond symptom management, to healing. After training as a doctor in Scotland she worked as a GP in an economically deprived area of North Edinburgh where she also ran a community Hepatitis C clinic, a service for people who inject drugs and worked in a primary care service for people experiencing homelessness. It was through her addictions work that she first discovered the work of Gabor Maté. Aisling attended a plant medicine retreat with Gabor and the Shipibo healers in Peru in 2019 and went on to train in Compassionate Inquiry®, a modality that changed how she sees herself, her patients and the medical model. She lives on an organic farm in County Down in the North of Ireland and works at GP practices in her local area as well as working privately with individuals and groups using Compassionate Inquiry®. Promotional Message: Did you know that Compassionate Inquiry® offers a free public blog library with over a thousand short posts written by our practitioners and facilitators?  Each is only a 5 or 6 minute read, and topics range from connecting with authenticity to overcoming food addictions to understanding epigenetics, rethinking drug use, CI & Psychedelics, and much, much more. You can also read excerpts from podcast guests' interviews. Tap this link to access our helpful, enlightening and inspiring blog library.  Resources: Websites: Rati's Professional Website  Rati's Compassionate Inquiry Profile Aisling's Professional Website Aisling's Compassionate Inquiry Profile Compassionate Inquiry® Related Links ACEs Study Take the ACEs Quiz Margaret Mead Books: The Myth of Normal The Deepest Well: Healing the Long-Term Effects of Childhood Trauma and Adversity Quotes: "Mary Jane Minkin,  a researcher at Yale University, found that societies where elders and wise women are revered and celebrated show far less severe menopause symptoms than societies where they are not". - Dr Aisling Queiry "13 million women in the UK are perimenopausal/ menopausal, that's 25% of the population…" - Dr Aisling Queiry "I've just read that the Arabic word for menopause translates as, 'age of despair.'" - Dr Aisling Quiery "...elephants, whales and human beings are the only three mammals that have a menopausal period for the female of that species. The only reason … is that childbirth is both dangerous, makes a female vulnerable and takes up a lot of her time. So when the reproduction is taken away from a female at a certain age, it frees her up to be a wisdom keeper and a knowledge passer." - Kevin Young "There is no greater power in the world than the zest of a postmenopausal woman." - Margaret Mead "...we're pushing ourselves so hard and not valuing the aging process and not valuing the wisdom that comes with being an elder, all of that. So let's be curious about that." - Dr Aisling Quiery Social Media FB: Rati: ​​https://www.facebook.com/rriccardi        Aisling: https://www.facebook.com/DrAislingQuiery IG: Aisling: https://www.instagram.com/draislingquiery/