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The Gifts of Trauma

Podcast The Gifts of Trauma
Compassionate Inquiry
The Gifts of Trauma is a weekly podcast that features personal stories of trauma healing and the gifts revealed on the path to authenticity. Join us to hear wha...

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  • Compassionate Inquiry Meets Compassionate Love with Dr Josiane Bonté
    Hosted and Produced by J'aime Rothbard. The rich, warm conversation demonstrates once again that love, presence, and understanding have the power to transform both individual and collective experiences. Our guest delves deep into human interconnectedness and the role intimate relationships play in personal healing and resilience. Identifying as a “lightworker” (in addition to being a couples and family therapist) Josiane ventures into her clients’ darkness and brings them into the light. She also asks her clients to create clear vision and mission statements to help them succeed in, “the business of love.”   Listen to hear Josiane illuminate: - Compassionate Love as a powerful force that emphasizes the importance of being true to ourselves (without self-compromise) while engaging with others - How interconnectedness helps us navigate challenges and foster a sense of unity - Intimate relationships’ role in collective healing, the reclamation of our essence and our divine nature - Appreciative Inquiry as a curiosity- and positivity-oriented approach to discerning what works well in relationships and communities - How Healing Through Presence can nourish our soul and spirit - The impact of inherited trauma and cultural narratives in the context of couples of color.  Overall, Josiane emphasizes the need to understand and address multigenerational trauma, cultural integration, and intimate relationships’ sacred links , so individuals can contribute to collective healing.  About Dr. Josiane Bonté Family Therapist /  Lightworker A Family Systems researcher-practitioner, published academic author, international speaker, MFP Fellow of the American Association for Marriage & Family Therapy and the Substance Abuse Mental Health Services Administration, Josiane was formally trained in family therapy. She holds a Master’s in Mental Health Counseling, a PhD in Marriage & Family Therapy, certifications in Imago Therapy, EFT Couples therapy, clinical hypnosis, play therapy, EMDR therapy, and Strategic Interventions Coaching. Dr. Bonté’s family therapy practice acknowledges the multigenerational impact of both trauma and resilience, helping high conflict individuals and families reconnect with their ancestral bonds in meaningful ways. Her therapeutic philosophy centers on interconnectedness and wholeness principles from the family systemic and strategic approaches, addressing the needs of individuals, couples, and families while considering their connections with self and others. Josiane’s recent research explores relational resilience in Black couples, adaptation strategies for overcoming multigenerational sexual trauma and systemic racism. With over 22 years of professional experience, Dr. Bonté has extended her multidimensional healing role as a lightworker, helping vulnerable populations and mental health professionals around the world balance and harmonize their mind, body, and spirit with the art and science of Compassionate Love. Josiane believes Compassionate Love changes everything, and is highly relevant In our extraordinary times when humans are asked to remember and activate our extraordinary gift of Compassionate Love and become a force of good for the wellbeing of us all. Promotional Link: The Portal If you’ve been listening to our podcast, you may have heard guests connect their birth experiences with enduring subconscious behavioural and emotional patterns. To help break this cycle, Compassionate Inquiry® offers The Portal, a 28-week trauma-informed training for perinatal health professionals; such as midwives, obstetricians, nurses and doulas, who want to empower their patients to trust their innate ability to birth, bond & nurture their child. Use this link to learn more and register by March 3.   Resources:  Website: Josiane’s Professional Website Related Links:     The 5 Compassionate Love Strategies   1: Breaking the Chains  Om Mani Padme Hum    2: Loving Yourself First  "Innana Rakma" (Compassionate Love in Araimic)        Hoponopono    3: Being Equally Yoked Taoist Qi Gong Healing Sounds    4: Finding Common Ground  Gazing Exercise:     5: Loving Beyond   Videos: Compassionate Love in Intimate Relationships2022 IEC Conference intro by Dr. Josiane ApollonDr. Josiane's Human Systems Book:   Compassionate Love in Intimate Relationships Social Media:   Instagram: #Josianebonte   FB: Josiane Bonte Apollon   Tiktok: Josiane Bonte   LinkedIn Quotes: “Without cultural integration and the understanding of the multigenerational transmission processes, sexual mass violence and mass trauma effects from the slavery system and current institutionalized racism hold American couples as hostages of the dark times in American. History. Couple research can end the culture wars and the excess of humiliation, shame and guilt that couples of colour in this population carry, consciously or not, for the fragility of the perpetrators' descendants disseminated through literature and media.” - Dr Josiane Bonté “Without context, there is no culture. Without culture, there are no people or connections.” - Dr Josiane Bonté
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  • Relationships, Uncoupling and Divorce with Dr Desirée van den Broek
    Interview by Rosemary Davies-Janes. Produced by J'aime Rothbard Join us for a gentle exploration of emotional connection, intimate relationship dynamics, divorce and uncoupling. Our guest, Dr Desirée van den Broek, advocates for creating new narratives in relationships that focus on understanding and compassion, rather than blame. Her words reflect her deep understanding of the emotional intricacies involved in relationships and the importance of communication, empathy, and external support during emotional transitions, like uncoupling.  Desirée also highlights: - The importance of being emotionally available (accessible, responsive, and engaged) in relationships, especially when emotions run high - What’s required to end negative interaction cycles in relationships, when one partner's behavior triggers the other's which triggers the other’s… causing ongoing conflict - How trauma can affect communication and emotional responses in relationships - The complexities of co-parenting after a break-up, and the difficulties of integrating new relationships into family dynamics - The importance of seeking out a supportive therapist or coach who can soften the sense of isolation and help you understand the interpersonal dynamics of a relationship breakdown While the conversation explores the emotional turmoil and necessity of prioritizing personal health and well-being during such transitions, our guest also explains why not all uncoupling is problematic.  About Dr Desirée van den Broek Trained as a medical doctor, Desirée’s passion for the development of healthy cooperation in people- centered organizations inspired her to transition from medicine to medical communication teaching, individual and relationship coaching, and mediation. She also serves as an independent (team) coach for the Academy for Medical Specialists and TalentCare. Her multidimensional perspective on healthcare is viewed through the lens of a doctor, healthcare manager and teacher/trainer. In addition to directing the EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy) Netherlands foundation, she developed several EFT courses, including Emotionally Focused Mediation and Relationship Coaching.  The EFT perspective on conflict management and cooperation is vital to Desirée’s approach. Her dream is for the EFT attachment and emotion-oriented approach to be embraced by healthcare institutions and organizations alike, to benefit their patients, care providers, the professionals they employ, and the people that they serve.   Promotional Link: The Portal If you’ve been listening to our podcast, you may have heard guests connect their birth experiences with enduring subconscious behavioural and emotional patterns. To help break this cycle, Compassionate Inquiry® offers The Portal, a 28-week trauma-informed training for perinatal health professionals; such as midwives, obstetricians, nurses and doulas, who want to empower their patients to trust their innate ability to birth, bond & nurture their child. Please use this link to learn more and register by February 23. Resources: Websites: Desirée’s Professional Website (Dutch Language) Desirée’s TalentCare Profile (Dutch Language) Related Links: Dr Sue Johnson What is EFT? EFT Mediation & Couples Counselling (Dutch Language) The International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT)  This image depicts the interaction cycle in which reactive defensive behaviour results In withdrawal, which results in more pursuit, which results in more withdrawal… Articles: When to End a Relationship The 19 Most Common Reasons for Divorce The Kübler-Ross 5 Stages of Grief (DABDA) Videos:  Terry Real’s Should I Stay or Should I Go?  Terry Real’s YouTube Channel Esther Perel’s Should I Stay or Should I Go Workshop   Esther Perel’s Transformational Approach to Couples’ Therapy - video Esther Perel's YouTube Channel Books: The Myth of Normal Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy for Dummies Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love Attachment Theory in Practice: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) with Individuals, Couples, and Families Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships Us: Getting Past You & Me to Build a More Loving Relationship Quotes:  “Really seeing someone' as a human being and being able to understand 'difficult behaviour' as fighting for connection with others or yourself because social isolation causes 'primal panic', offers so much space for our (fellow) humanity and (self) compassion.” - Desirée van den Broek, TalentCare Communication is not only about communication with yourself and others, but also about yourself as an instrument in communication. Insight into the functioning of your own neurology and its impact on your own (automatic) behavior and the emergence of common patterns is essential. - Desirée van den Broek, TalentCare “Most often, both partners don’t pull the plug at the same time: one partner wants out, while the other, to whatever degree, is devastated.”  - Terry Real  When to End a Relationship   “Am I getting enough in this relationship to make grieving (the pain of) what I’m not getting worth my while?” - Terry Real   When to End a Relationship  
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  • Parenting: A Spontaneous Mutual Unfolding of Potential with Dr Gordon Neufeld
    Hosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes  Produced by J’aime Rothbard Join us for this rich, frank conversation that roves from Gordon’s own boundless curiosity and shame -free upbringing, to the eternal wisdom of his bestselling book, Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More than Peers. In addition to speaking about parenting, grandparenting, and the source of emotional well-being, he touches on his initial encounter with fellow UBC student, Gabor Maté, who, after being one of Gordon’s, “best students, ever,” collaborated with him on his book. Dr Neufeld’s approach to parenting prioritizes emotional connection, understanding, and the therapeutic power of play. He also highlights the: - Importance of love and togetherness, both of which are essential for human development, ongoing relationships and emotional health. - Two critical keys to parenting, right relationships and soft hearts, which flourish in caring environments in which children are naturally dependent on their caregivers. - Concept of cascading care, where we can depend on one another in a network of support, is contrasted with the current emphasis on independence, which often undermines relational needs. - Impact of technology on parenting and children's emotional health is noted, and parents are urged to engage with their children meaningfully amidst the distractions of screens and digital media. Throughout this conversation, Gordon stresses the need for parental emotional awareness to help our children navigate their feelings, particularly in today’s plugged in culture which is rife with emotionally challenging media and convincingly presented misinformation.  About Dr Gordon Neufeld Dr. Neufeld’s life’s work has been to help adults provide the conditions for children to flourish. He has worked as a clinical psychologist with youth, children, and those responsible for them, for over five decades. A foremost authority on child development, stress, trauma and resilience, Gordon is also the best-selling author of the timeless book, Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers Having stepped back from his University teaching and clinical practice, Dr. Neufeld not only enjoys being an involved father of five and grandfather of seven, but continues to lead the interpretation of the developmental paradigm.  His widespread reputation for making sense of complex problems, opening doors for change, and his obvious passion for his work, keep him very active on the international speaking stage. Gordon also directs the Neufeld Institute, the global virtual educational organization and charitable foundation he established in 2006 to support parents, educators and helping professionals in applying developmental science to the task of raising children. Over the past two decades, he has devoted much of his time to creating over 40 courses for educators, parents and professionals, which are now offered in 10 languages, primarily through the Neufeld Institute.  Promotional Link: The CI Experience Event If you've been listening to our podcast and are curious about the transformative power of Compassionate Inquiry®, on Feb 22, join us for a 6-hour online experiential introduction to the Compassionate Inquiry® approach and community. Use this link takes you to access a web page where you can get more information and register for the CI Experience event.    Resources: Websites: Neufeld Institute Neufeld Institute Courses Neufeld Institute Free Resources Relevant Links: Adding the Wisdom of Play to the Wisdom of Trauma (Article) Podcasts: The Hidden Dangers of Peer Influence, What Fresh Hell Podcast, 2024 Rennet Wong Gates Episode, The Gifts of Trauma Podcast, 2024,  Videos: Relationships Matter Presentation The Wisdom of Dependence Presentation Books: Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers Reclaiming Our Students: Why Children Are More Anxious, Aggressive, and Shut Down Than Ever – And What We Can Do About It   Rest, Play, Grow: Making Sense of Preschoolers (Or Anyone Who Acts Like One) Nourished: Connection, Food, and Caring for Our Kids (And Everyone Else We Love) The Heart's Code: Tapping the Wisdom and Power of Our Heart Energy The Last Self-Help Book You'll Ever Need: Repress Your Anger, Think Negatively, Be a Good Blamer, and Throttle Your Inner Child Quotes: "I move in a psychological and therapeutic world and I can tell you without bias, that Gordon‘s understanding of child development is just deeper than anybody else’s on the planet and I highly recommend his work.  I’ll just finish by saying that my own work has been so deeply informed by Gordon’s that I can’t even imagine it without it so this has been, at least for me, an essential partnership." - Dr. Gabor Maté “Our body’s wisdom can take care of us by disconnecting from that which is too painful to bear. However, we are not meant to stay in this disconnected state. Gabor says, “We have to work our way back to feeling, when we are ready.” I’m going to suggest we can play our way back to full feeling as well.”  - Dr Gordon Neufeld “Our mission is to use developmental science to make sense of children to the adults responsible for them. Our instrument is the attachment-based developmental approach as synthesized and articulated by Dr. Gordon Neufeld. Our hope is that the insights provided by this evidence-based theory will rejoin parents, teachers and helping professionals to their natural intuition. Our evidence-based belief is that children are meant to be raised in the context of relationship to those who are responsible for them. - Neufeld Institute Social Media Handles: Facebook: @neufeldinstitute Instagram: @neufeldinstitute YouTube:   @neufeldmedia  
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  • Trauma, Neurodivergence & Compassion with Dr Louise Taylor
    Hosted by Kevin Young & Rosemary Davies-Janes,  Produced by J’aime Rothbard. This lively conversation explores many facets of neurodiversity and how individuals with different neurological wiring engage with the world. Our guest shares her personal (neurodivergent) challenges and triumphs navigating relationships, motherhood, academia, employment, misogynistic and patriarchal cultures, bullying, systemic violence and ecological activism.  Listen in as our hosts and guest discuss:  - How trauma, and the traumatic life experiences generated by societal and systemic issues, can affect neurodivergent individuals, and may, in fact, contribute to neurodivergence - The pros and cons of formal versus self-diagnosis. Dr Taylor cautions that a formal diagnosis can lead to societal stigma and distancing, rather than the expected social support and understanding - The different meanings of the terms: Neurodiversity and Neurodivergence - How connecting with one’s authenticity and embracing creativity as a form of self-expression has the potential to lead neurodivergent people to greater fulfillment in life - The importance of finding supportive communities and individuals who understand neurodiversity - The need for more compassionate and trauma-informed approaches in services and institutions supporting neurodivergent people Overall, our guest advocates for greater awareness, acceptance, empathy, support and understanding of neurodivergence, while also recognizing its social and economic complexities and challenges. About Dr Louise Taylor A Neurodivergent Therapist and Researcher, Louise believes we must embody our work and live in such a way that we make our lives art.  She received an ASD diagnosis in 2020, and a Dyslexia diagnosis in the final months of her PhD. Passionate about connecting people with the natural world for health and wellbeing purposes, her doctorate, from Queen's University Belfast, is in Nature and Mental Health.  Louise combines her research work with her therapy practice, which blends counselling, consulting and coaching and serves mainly neurodivergent clients. She also works with academics to highlight the importance of mental health, wellness, and equity, and is committed to supporting activists on the frontlines of climate justice and environmental struggles, whether in the Sperrin Mountains, or Uganda. Louise lives in rural Tyrone in the North of Ireland with her children, dogs and ever-increasing plant collection. Happiest when eating good food, dancing to wonderful music, writing, lounging and laughing with loved ones, she also enjoys slow days spent wandering on beaches and in forests.    Promotional Link: The Portal To minimize the trauma experiences of infants entering this world, Compassionate Inquiry® offers The Portal, a 28-week trauma-informed online training for perinatal health professionals such as; midwives, obstetricians, nurses and doulas, who want to empower those they serve to trust their innate ability to birth, bond with and nurture their child. Access course details here. Registration closes on February 23. Resources: Websites: Louise’s Professional WebsiteLouise’s Psychology Today Profile Relevant Links: Psychology Today ArticlesReflecting on the Traumas of Northern Ireland’s Troubles, with Stephen BrownThe Cleveland Clinic: Neurodiversity OverviewNeurodivergent Climate Activist ArticleRoger HallamAutism & Friendships ArticleAssessments ArticleMeltdowns & Shutdowns ArticleMasking & ASD ArticleLouise Hay AffirmationsThe Make-up of Neuro-Diversity Videos: Empathy & AutismWhat is Neurodiversity? Books: The Myth of Normal Education: PhD from Queen's University Belfast in Nature and Mental Health Foundation Degree in Counselling from the University of Ulster in C.B.T., Psychoanalysis, and Person Centred Therapy Certificate in Life Coaching City and Guilds 7407 Teacher Training Qualification MA in Women's Studies and Feminist Research BA in Sociology, 2i Honours Training: Reclaiming Pleasure: Embodied Joy in Trauma Recovery and Social Change. Creative Expression/Emancipatory Thinking/Artist's Way Facilitator Cruse Bereavement Training Spirituality in Counselling Training Extensive Domestic Abuse Training Extensive Youth Work training Mental Health First Aid training Quotes: 2010 interview Quotes: Dr. Gabor Maté on the Stress-Disease Connection, Addiction, Attention Deficit Disorder and the Destruction of American Childhood“The child’s brain development depends on the presence of non-stressed, emotionally available parents. In this country, that’s less and less available. Hence, you’ve got burgeoning rates of autism. It’s gone up 20- or 30-fold in the last 30 or 40 years.” “…autism is a whole spectrum of disorders, but the essential quality of it is an emotional disconnect. These children are living in a mind of their own. They don’t respond appropriately to emotional cues. They withdraw. They act out in an aggressive and sometimes just unpredictable fashion. They don’t know how to — there’s no sense — there’s no clear sense of an emotional connection and peace inside them.”   Social Media Handles: FacebookLinkedIn
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  • Childhood Trauma and ADHD with Nancy Evans
    Hosted by Rosemary Davie-Janes.  Produced by J’aime Rothbard. This informative and deeply personal conversation offers a nuanced understanding of ADHD(1). By integrating personal narratives with broader societal observations, the multifaceted nature of ADHD is demonstrated. Its complexities are also explored, from the disputes around its origins and treatment, to its tendency to overlap with other conditions, such as high sensitivity, anxiety, depression, and more. Common misconceptions about ADHD are challenged, and Gabor Maté's view of ADHD as a developmental issue, influenced by childhood stress and trauma, is contrasted with other theories. Nancy reflects on her parenting journey, acknowledging the challenges she faced in being present for her children due to her own ADHD. She emphasizes the importance of love and acceptance in fostering healthy relationships with children. Nancy also highlights the:  - Role that social media platforms, like TikTok, play in increasing public awareness - Reasons for the rapid growth of ADHD diagnosis rates, particularly among adults - Importance of attunement in early emotional development - Impact of early childhood experiences on emotional regulation - Value of support communities, where individuals can freely share, without being judged or shamed - Need for a compassionate approach to those experiencing neurodiversity. - Societal pressures that can exacerbate ADHD symptoms, particularly in modern parenting contexts - Coping mechanisms, or ‘hacks’ that are developed to ‘work around’ ADHD symptoms  The conversation ends on an inspiring note that shows how understanding ADHD as a developmental issue opens pathways for healing and growth, both for individuals with ADHD and their families. (1)ADHD, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, is part of the neurodiversity spectrum. About Nancy Evans A certified Compassionate Inquiry® (CI) practitioner, life coach and meditation teacher, Nancy is also a seasoned intern for the CI Professional Training and co-facilitates two CI focus groups, one for ADHD and another for Peer Supervision.   Nancy is passionate about the Compassionate Inquiry® approach which she uses alongside her coaching and meditation skills, holding people with a calm gentleness.  She often works with ‘people pleasers’, ADHD’ers, mid-lifers and sober folk who are ready to heal their core wounds. Nancy balances her work with raising a family of three joyful neurodiverse sons, alongside her husband of 23 years. They live in West Sussex, with two scruffy rescue dogs, and enjoy nature, music and travelling together.   Through her recovery and deep personal healing with Compassionate Inquiry®, Nancy has become the mother to herself that she always needed in order to thrive. Promotional Link: If you've been listening to our podcast and are curious about the transformative power of Compassionate Inquiry®, join us on Feb 22 for a 6-hour online experiential introduction to the Compassionate Inquiry approach and community . This link takes you to a web page where you can get information and, if you choose, register for the CI Experience event.  Resources: Websites: Nancy’s Professional WebsiteNancy’s Compassionate Inquiry Profile Relevant Links: Compassionate InquiryAre You Highly Sensitive?ADD / ADHD Focus Group Videos: Dr Gabor Maté: IS ADHD a Disease?The Surprising Causes of ADD & ADHD, Explained by DR Gabor Maté Books:  Scattered MindsIn the Realm of Hungry GhostsWhen the Body Says NoThe Myth of NormalHold On to Your Kids Statistics:  Adult ADHD ranks in the top 10 mental health searches7-Fold Increase in Adult ADHD Prescriptions Over 10 YearsADHD US Diagnostic Trends Quotes: “If we recognize that most of the problems that people are troubled with are actually problems of development, and it’s those developmental conditions that we need to look at… we’ll be asking ourselves. What are the conditions in this society that lead so many people to have a failure or or slowing down of the impulse regulation circuitry, and capacity? That's the first point. So it’s a developmental problem rather than a medical problem per se. Number two, if you look at the tuning out of ADHD, why do we have this capacity to tune out?  Protection from overwhelming stress. If I were to stress you right now by becoming abusive or threatening what options would you have? The options are standing up and telling me to shut up. You also have the option of leaving. So you have the options of fight or flight. And if you couldn’t do either, you would also have the option, given that there’s many dozens of people here in the room with you, you have the option of asking for help. But what if I were to stress one of you and you didn’t have the option to ask for help or escape or to fight back - then what would you do? You wouldn’t do anything and so freezing is one option. Tuning out is another, just going absent minded, dissociating so you wouldn’t have to feel the pain of the stress. Can you see I might have lots of reasons to tune out as a one-year-old, as a two month old, as a three month old? So maybe ADHD begins as a coping mechanism.” - Gabor Maté “If your plants are not developing the way you expect them to, the first thing you would look at are the conditions. Too much or too little sunlight. Too much or not enough irrigation. How about the quality of the soil? You look at the conditions of development and if you want those plants to develop properly, you would fix those conditions. You wouldn’t try to treat the plants for some kind of disease. Most of the time you’d be looking at the conditions for development.” - Gabor Maté Social Media Handles: Facebook InstagramTikTok   
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The Gifts of Trauma is a weekly podcast that features personal stories of trauma healing and the gifts revealed on the path to authenticity. Join us to hear what it was like for our guests to live with the tension of trauma, and what happened when they turned inward with compassionate curiosity. These highly relatable stories illustrate how they transformed their trauma generated fear, anger, pain or shame triggers into understanding, acceptance and love.
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