Disordered: Anxiety Help

Questions about this episode? Want to interact with Drew, Josh, and other members of the Disordered audience? Check out the Disordered Community Space!
⁠https://disordered.fm/community⁠

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This week we're discussing the relationship between anxiety and self-compassion. Self-compassion is often dismissed as a way to avoid difficult tasks or "whine" about struggles, but it is actually a functional part of the desensitization process.

Drew shares how he originally viewed self-compassion as a weakness that would lead to more avoidance, only to realize that berating himself was not actually an effective motivator. Josh explains how a lack of self-compassion can lead to "re-sensitization" when you turn recovery into a performance you have to perfect.

What We Discuss:

The "No Self-Compassion" Mistake: Why driving yourself with brute force and criticism often backfires
Accepting The Current Version of You: The importance of acknowledging that you are currently afraid or avoidant without berating or rejecting yourself for it.
Self-Compassion vs. Coddling: Distinguishing between being kind to yourself while doing hard things and using "kindness" as an excuse to stay on the sofa.
Navigating Misunderstanding: How to handle friends or family who do not understand anxiety disorders and the importance of validating your own experience instead of waiting for them to do it.

Recovery requires the flexibility to be afraid and move forward simultaneously. Using self-compassion means letting the scared version of yourself into the experiential classroom so you can actually learn the lessons found in acceptance, tolerance, surrender, floating, and exposure!

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The Disordered Guide to Health Anxiety is now available. If you're struggling with health anxiety, this book is for you.
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Want a way to ask questions about this episode or interact with other Disordered listeners?  The Disordered app is nearing release! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Visit our home page and get on our mailing list for more information..
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Want to ask us questions, share your wins, or get more information about Josh, Drew, and the Disordered podcast? Send us an email or leave a voicemail on our website.

Questions about this episode? Want to interact with Drew, Josh, and other members of the Disordered audience? Check out the Disordered Community Space!
https://disordered.fm/community
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This episode of Disordered explores the vital role of attention in anxiety recovery. Josh and Drew discuss the core skill of moving your attention while feeling high levels of fear.
Many people struggling with anxiety disorders feel their attention is glued to symptoms or intrusive thoughts. Josh describes this as "threat-induced attention," which is a survival mechanism where the brain locks onto perceived danger. You always have agency over your attention. Recovery involves building an "attention muscle" to acknowledge the fear and choose a different focus.
Confidence in Attention: Josh shares a personal breakthrough where he felt a massive adrenaline rush on a bus but chose to read a newspaper anyway. This desensitization happened because he trusted his ability to move his attention despite the discomfort.

The "Checking State" Trap: Drew explains that many common calming techniques backfire. If you use them to force anxiety away, you end up hyper-focusing on your internal state to see if they worked. This keeps you trapped in the threat cycle.

Facing the "Bear": Using a metaphor of a bear in a campsite, the hosts explain that looking away from the anxiety tells the brain the emergency is over. Staring at the anxiety only confirms to your nervous system that you are still under threat.

Practical Application: Whether going to the dentist or taking a train, the goal is to move attention toward meaningful tasks rather than internal monitoring.

"The only way to show the brain and the amygdala that this isn't a threat is to show it with our attention... that this isn't important." — Josh

"We cannot operate directly on your anxiety... we can only operate on the way you interact with it." — Drew

Building confidence in your attention is a gradual process rooted in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and Metacognitive Therapy. It requires bravery to look away from the fear to find the path to long-term psychological flexibility.

After many months of building and planning, the Disordered Community space is now live. We could not be more pleased about this!
Check out the community space here:
https://disordered.fm/community
Why did we do this?
Endless scroll, algorithm-driven, attention focused platforms that only want to monetize your struggle are awful places to support anxious people.
A smaller, more focused, intentional community where we can interact in a meaningful way and foster education, inspiration, and encouragement is actually useful in the real world.
There are way too many anxiety "communities" that make egregious promises to fix you, cure you, lead you to freedom, and make you better - often at a very high cost. That's not how to do that.
We're personally tired of dancing for Meta and Google. It's a huge amount of work to reach a small number of people (even with lots of followers) on platforms that don't really value the topic and the discussions we're having.
We built this space to foster interaction, sharing, cheerleading, and encouragement. We've jammed it full of articles, tips, ideas, podcast episodes, and all the psychoeducational workshops we've produced over the years. All included in the community.
You do NOT have to join the community to get better. This is absolutely optional and we're not going to hide things behind the paywall. Our content will continue to be out here on the Internet at large. But we do think we've made something useful and reasonable and that's where we're gonna be hanging out.

This episode of Disordered examines the fundamental "Golden Rules" of anxiety desensitization. Josh and Drew break down two core principles designed to guide long term desensitization for those struggling with panic disorder, agoraphobia, OCD, and health anxiety. They move away from promising cures or quick fixes, focusing instead on changing the listener's relationship with discomfort.

Rule One: Do what non-anxious you would do while anxious. The guys explain that this involves engaging in life tasks regardless of the presence of fear.

Rule Two: Don’t make anxiety the most important thing in the room. While anxiety is allowed to be present, it should not sit at the top of the decision making tree. Desensitization happens when values and intentions are prioritized over the urge to monitor internal feelings.

Acceptance vs. Control: Josh and Drew discuss the necessity of recognizing that attempts to control or escape anxiety are often ineffective. They advocate for psychological flexibility, where a person learns to be with difficult internal experiences rather than fighting them.

The Power of Agency: The guys emphasize that even in highly sensitized states, individuals retain agency over their attention. They describe how to tolerate physical symptoms without letting those sensations govern behavior.

"Did It Anyway" Stories: The episode features community members who applied these rules during high stakes moments like public speaking or travel. These stories serve to encourage others to face fears that are uncomfortable but not dangerous.

Josh and Drew frame desensitization as a journey requiring patience and persistence rather than a destination reached through "hacks" or secret solutions. This episode provides a practical framework for listeners ready to stop avoiding their feelings and start moving forward.
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The Disordered Guide to Health Anxiety is now available. If you're struggling with health anxiety, this book is for you.
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Want a way to ask questions about this episode or interact with other Disordered listeners?  The Disordered community space is nearing release! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Visit our home page and get on our mailing list for more information..
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Struggling with worry and rumination that you feel you can't stop or control? Check out ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Worry and Rumination Explained⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, a two hour pre-recorded workshop produced by Josh and Drew. The workshop takes a deep dive into the mechanics of worrying and ruminating, offering some helpful ways to approach the seemingly unsolvable problem of trying to solve seemingly unsolvable problems.

In this episode of Disordered, guest co-host Kimberley Quinlan joins Drew to pull back the curtain on one of the most persistent hurdles in anxiety recovery: rumination. Whether you call it overthinking, worry, or mental "problem solving," the process is a universal constant across panic disorder, OCD, health anxiety, depression, and other related issues.

We examine why rumination feels like a productive tool when it is actually a mental compulsion designed to avoid the discomfort of uncertainty. Kim and Drew break down the "tax" that rumination imposes on your life, specifically the deep physiological and emotional exhaustion that leaves you without the energy to make the actual changes you want.

What You’ll Learn This Week:

The Process vs. The Content: Why the specific thing you are worried about matters less than the fact that you are stuck in a circular thinking process.

The "What If" Statement: How to recognize that "what if" is a statement of fear, not a question that requires an answer.

Problem Solving vs. Rumination: Identifying the moment thinking stops being an investment and starts becoming a drain.

Beliefs About Worry: Challenging the "positive" beliefs we hold, such as the idea that worrying makes us a better parent or more prepared for disaster.

Attention Control Training: Practical ways to re-engage with the present moment, even when your brain is screaming for certainty.

Recovery is about learning to put the thoughts down and returning to whatever is next in your day. It is hard work, and you might "suck at it" initially, but managing rumination is a skill for life that reduces suffering and brings you back to your own experiences.

Find Kim's podcast here:
https://www.youtube.com/@youranxietytoolkit

Kim's courses and workshops:
https://cbtschool.com

Kim's Instagram
https://instagram.com/YourAnxietyToolkit

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The Disordered Guide to Health Anxiety is now available. If you're struggling with health anxiety, this book is for you.

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Want a way to ask questions about this episode or interact with other Disordered listeners?  The Disordered app is nearing release! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Visit our home page and get on our mailing list for more information..

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Struggling with worry and rumination that you feel you can't stop or control? Check out ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Worry and Rumination Explained⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, a two hour pre-recorded workshop produced by Josh and Drew. The workshop takes a deep dive into the mechanics of worrying and ruminating, offering some helpful ways to approach the seemingly unsolvable problem of trying to solve seemingly unsolvable problems.